No one is going to hurt you again
by SuperCumbercollective
Summary: JJ is kidnapped and Hotch is doing everything he can to find her untill.. well he got some problems too.Hotch and JJ worked a case in Australia and the Bomber from there is now hunting them. Also life after that to most important thing to their lifes. Their life will change, and nothing will be the same. JJ/Hotch.
1. The sweet home night

Chapter sweet home night.

Relationship don't need promises or terms and conditions.  
Just two people who love each other and  
want to be together.

'' Knock knock '' he heard someone knocking on his door. He were working at home. He had so much to do. Paperwork after paperwork. He felt so tired. But he got up and went to a door.

'' Jeyje? what are you doing here?'' He said and opened door wide open and Jennifer walked in.

'' I wanted to visit and I knew you were working. Nope. Not anymore'' She said, turned around , and kissed him softly. She felt how his hand moved slowly to her waist and how he kissed her back.

'' Hungry? '' She said and went to sit on his gray couch and put one plastic bag to table and started to pick there boxes. He closed the door and smiled.

'' Chinese? '' He asked and laughed and went next to her.

'' Yeah. I didn't want to eat alone'', she looked at him and that smile at her face were like a sun. He could watch it all day long. '' And I rented a movie. '' she said and started search it from her bag.

'' Yeah. What movie?'' he said while opening food boxes. She showed the DVD cover to him. '' Scary Movie? Really ? You want to watch Scary movie after our job , after those awful thing what we see at our job? '' he smirked.

'' Yeah. Absolutely. It's more funny than scary and if it's too scary I have my own soldier here to protect me, right. Nothing bad can happen to me when Aaron Hotchner is with me.'' she said and looked to his brown eyes. He looked so good with just his black shirt. He usually wears white shirt and suit jacket and tie, but not today.

'' Always in your service, your highness '' Hotch said and kissed her hand.

'' Ready to start citizen? '' JJ said nobly.

'' Of course my highness '' he answered and put disc to DVD player and turns lights of. Only light comes from the window. It's a full moon.

'' Wow. It's beautiful.'' She say while looking out of the window.

'' I know but there is still always one more beautiful thing'' he says.

'' Yeah? What is it?'' she asks and looks at him.

'' You'' that's all what he says.

He leans forward to her and kisses her and lifts his hand to her cheek. He moves her hair from her beautiful face.

'' Shall we eat? '' He says and gives her one box and they start to watch that movie. She takes that box and can't stop smiling. She is just so happy. She got this evening off and she can spend it with her boyfriend who is actually her boss at the same time, but they don't care. They loved each other truly. But they have one problem. The rest of the team members don't know about their relationship.

After they both had eaten their meals JJ came closer Hotch and leaned to his shoulder. Hotch moved his arm to other side to her and put it to her waist. She welt so warm and calm and he hoped that he could stop time. He didn't what this never to end, it felt so perfect.

It was closer 2 when the movie ended and JJ were already half asleep. He moved slowly so he don't wake her up. He turned tv off and lights too. He laid down and took a blanket. Her head was on his chest.

She opened her eyes and lifted her head a little bit and lookd at Hotch. '' I love you , you know that right.'' She said sleepily.

'' I know Jeyje. And I love you too.'' He sais and kisses her softly. She fall asleep again. So did he.


	2. Questions and worries

Chapter 2. Questions and worries

When you love someone  
you 'just do'  
There is no But's  
no Maybe's  
No why's.

Hotch's phone started ringing. It was 6.30 and he woke up. He turned the alarm off quickly so JJ wouldn't wake up. And she didn't. He held her head and moved slowly from couch and JJ kept sleeping. Hotch put the blanket on top of her better and kissed her to her forehead.

He kept watching her for awhile. She looks so cute when she sleeps. But she always looked beautiful no matter where she were or what she was doing.

He went to kitchen and turned the coffee machine on and started cooking pancakes. He wanted to surprise her.

Everything were almost ready when JJ woke up.

''Rise and shine Jen.'' He said and looked to her. Her long , blond hair were a little messed up. But he didn't care. '' Breakfast is almost ready. ''

'' You made breakfast? '' JJ said like she had never heard something so stupid. She knows that he can cook awesome food, but they don't usually have a lot of time to that. Their work take so much time.

'' Yeah. C'mon. I made your favorite. '' He said and poured coffee to JJ's mug. She took it thankfully and kissed him. She took a plate and he lifted one pancake on that. He took one to himself too and walked next to her.

'' Slept well?'' he asked and started eating his pancake.

'' Yep. '' She said and started read newspaper while eating.

When they were done with eating , they were getting ready for work.

'' Do you come with me or.. '' he said, took his briefcase and took his keys.

'' No, I have to do one thing first, if you don't mind. I'll be right behind you at the bureau.'' she says and takes her jacket. Hotch opens the door to her and they both walk outside.

'' Of course. But hey, be careful okay.'' He says and grabbed her by her waist and pulled her closer to himself. She put her arm around his neck and kissed him with passion. She welt his heat in her body and it was perfect.

'' You know I will. Don't worry. I'll be right there. Promise.'' She says and opens her cars door and hops in. She's in and Hotch slams the door closed and watches her to drive off his drive way. He misses her already.

After her car is enough far away that he don't see it anymore, he throws his briefcase to his car and goes in.

10 minutes later he is at the BAU's parking lot and he leaves his car to place where it's ment to be.

Almost everyone else on his team is already there but no Reid, Garcia or JJ. He lockes his car and starts to walk to elevator.

'' Hold it! '' someone yells , and that someone is their technical analyst , Penelope Garcia. He puts his hand between the doors and the doors open. Garcia walks in and smiles:

'' Morning , sir '' she says happily.

'' Morning Garcia.'' he says and starts to look at her. '' Why so happy? ''

'' I heard good news. '' she says and her face shines like a sun.

'' Yeah? what kind of good news?'' he asks and he has to smile too. She turns around so fast that her long red hair flies with her.

'' We don't have new cases right now. And you know what that means?''

He laughed a little bit '' No. C'mon tell me.''

'' I have time to play.'' she says like it was obvious.

He was everything but surprised. '' Yeah. Sure. Well hopefully you have a great time.'' he said and walked out of the elevator. She followed him.

'' Don't you want to know more? '' she teased him.

'' Hmm. No thank you. You know , I don't understand a thing about those. But if you do, good. '' he says and taps her nose with his finger and smirks. She laughs a little bit.

He walks to his office, but he isn't as lucky as Garcia. His table is covered by paperwork. And because of what happened last night he didn't get any of his work to go forward. But it's okay because he had so great time last night.

But before he starts his work he go get some coffee first. And he is sure that he don't sleep tonight. JJ hasn't come yet , her office is still empty when he walks front of it.

Everything is ready to start his work.

He is writing as fast as he can and his fingers are starting to cramp a little so he takes a little pause. He is been working for like one and a half an hour. He walks to see if JJ is came up, but she isn't.

'' Hey , guys! Have you heard anything from JJ? he shouted to his team. But no one has heard anything. Hotch is now worried. She said that she would be right there. Went just to change her clothes and to get her laptop and stuff.

'' You reached on Jennifer Jareau's voice mail, leave a message after beeb. * beeb*''

'' Hey it's me. Where are you. Everything okay? You said that you will be here right after me , but it was almost two hours ago. I'm worried. Love ya.'' he says to her voice mail and hopes that she is okay.

'' Is there something going on between Hotch and JJ? '' Emily says to Morgan and slams her pen on the table. '' He is walked several times in front of her office and he's been asking about her.''

'' I've noticed that too. And it's been happened before too. They had leaved from work at the same time and been happier than usually. '' Morgan sais and starts really thing about that.

'' What if they are dating? '' Reid enters to the conversation.

'' Ooh. That must be it. But I don't see that as a bad thing. Do you?'' Emily notes.

'' No. Or I don't know. I mean, if they are happy together then our opinion doesn't matter , right. And if they are happy then I'm happy.'' Morgan sais and look how restless Hotch is.

'' Hey guys!'' Hotch shouts a few minutes later while Emily, Reid , Morgan and now also Garcia is talking about them. '' I have to do one thing. So I'm out for awhile, okay. Just let me know if something new happens.'' he says and almost runs out the door and on down the stairs.

'' Something isn't right. I can feel it.'' Garcia says a little worried when she looks Hotch.

Hotch runs straight to his car and starts driving. He is really worried about her. Something is definitely not okay. Because of his work he's afraid the worst.

'' No! Hey Hotch stop that. She is okay. She has to be.'' he tried to calm himself down.

He is almost in JJ's apartment when he is trying to call her again.

'' You reached on Jennifer Jareau's voice mail, leave a mes..'' he hang up and throw his phone to backseat. Now, he is really worried.

He drives as fast as he can and he is in her drive way in few minutes. He jumps off from his car and walks to her door.

He's going to knock on her door , but then he notices one thing. He takes his gun to his hand because something isn't okay: her door is open.


	3. Never felt like this

Chapter 3. Never felt like this.

_**''When you are important to another person**_  
_**that person will always find a way**_  
_**to make time for you.**_  
_**No excuses**_  
_**No lies**_  
_**No broken promises.''**_

He pushed the door open and saw something what made him very concerned. No he were actually scared. He walked in and that feeling only got worst.

The mess: broken mirrors, table chair and blood on the floor. A lot of blood. He just wanted to run out and never come back. He just hoped that he were hallucinating , or that was just a bad dream. But how much further he went as much he knew how true this all was.

He stated to took pictures as fast as he could , because he wanted out.

After that he just locked the door and ran to his car. He dialed Rossi's number.

'' Agent Rossi.'' he heard him say.

'' Dave! '' Hotch said and started driving.

'' Hotch, you sound worried, is everythi.. '' Hotch didn't let him finish.

'' David, listen to me. Is everyone already there? If not , call them , immediately. '' He says, almost yells to Rossi and don't wait him to answer before hanging up.

Hotch felt like crying , but he couldn't. '' You have to keep focused if you want to help her. '' he thinked the whole drive.

When he finally got to the parking lot, he just ran as fast as he could to get to his team.

He just ran and ran and ran up stairs. when he got up, he were so out of breath, but he didn't care. And that pain in his chest, he wasn't sure did it came because of a lack of oxygen or because he were scared.

One more stairs and he were at the conference room. The whole team were already there.

'' What were so important to wake me up on a Saturday morning. I though I had my weekend off.'' Reid said and looked so tired and grumpy.

'' You have , but I'm sure you want to stay here.'' Hotch said to him. '' And Garcia, I send to you a few photos, please, put them on the screen.'' He didn't have to tell her twice.

He took a deep breath before starting. But It felt like there were no words.

'' Sir. Where are these photos taken? '' Garcia asks and looks very frightening.

'' JJ's apartment. '' he said and looked at the screen. But turned immediately back. '' JJ's missing. ''

'' For how long? '' Morgan asked shocked.

'' She left from my place when I left for work and it was .. almost. '' he said and looked their reaction. They hadn't told them that they were dating or anything like that.

'' So, You've been ..dating?'' Emily questioned and he nodded. '' Wow. But I have to say that we kind of expected that already. For how long? '' Emily looked the others members of the team.

'' Yeah. Almost 5 month.'' he said and that pain inside him just got worst in every breath he took.

'' So , where do we start? '' Garcia asked.

'' There is two jobs and you can share it. Check the Crime scene , aka JJ's house and talk to the neighbors.'' Hotch said.

'' Then what are you going to do? '' Reid asks.

'' I'm starting to call to the hospitals if someone has brought her there.'' he says and watch to his team mates. He just wanted to scream and shout and just go crazy. He just wanted her to come back, he just wanted to see her again. He has never felt like this.

And when they saw Hotch's eye , they knew. They knew how much he loves her , and how much he misses her. How much he want this to end.


	4. Can't imagine anything worst

Chapter 4. Can't imagine anything worst.

_**''Sometimes when you love someone**_  
_**very much,**_  
_**You'd have to go through **_  
_**every tear,**_  
_**every heartache,**_  
_**every pain.**_  
_**'Couse in the end, it's not how much **_  
_**you suffered**_  
_**but how you loved.''**_

'' Amy Jones from Saintbury's hospital, can I help you? ''

'' Rebeca Smith from Williams burgs hospital, how can I help you?''

'' Sarah Lambert from Black Rocks hospital , what can I do for you? ''

And he heard these lines over and over again and no one has heard anything about Jennifer. He just became desperate. He just wanted to cry , but couldn't.

'' Nothing? '' Garcia asked when he walked off from his office.

'' I'm afraid not.'' he said.

'' We'll find her. I'm sure.'' She said and gave encouraging smile to Hotch. He tried so smile but it felt like the hardest thing to do. '' What are you doing now ? ''

'' I think I have to go to question her neighbors. If they've seen something.'' he started to walk out of those glass door to the elevators. There were so many things rolling in his head right now that it would explode in any second.

You should have gone with her to get her stuff, it was your fault, where is she, what can he do to help, what if they don't find her in time , what if they don't find her at all. And all of those thought made him think one awful thing : What if she is dead already.

And that though just broke him. He felt like he couldn't stand or breath or anything. He had to hold on to the wall , so he wouldn't fall.

The pain inside him felt like tying to pull your heart out and your only tool was just your hand.

'' No , Aaron, don't do this to yourself. She is alive and you will find her. ' he tried to convince himself. It helped a little bit, but not much.

He got to the parking lot and jumped in to his car.

The whole drive he still tried to convince to himself that she'll be okay. But when he finally got to JJ's neighborhood, he wasn't feeling any better.

He got out of the car after parking it to her drive way. He saw a few of her neighbor outside and saw his team members there too.

'' Hotch!'' he heards Emma's , JJ's good friend's voice and he turns around. She hits him to his cheek. '' Is it true? Just please don't say. Is Jen really missing. And I thought that you were supposed to take care of her. Well , I got to say. Your doing just damn good work.'' she shouts and slaps him again.

'' I know. You have no idea how many times I've said that same thing to myself. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that. '' he said and hold his cheek. He notice how hard she hit , because it felt like his cheek was on fire.

'' You should. She is my friend and if something happens to her, I will , and that's a promise, kill you. '' she yelled so loud that the whole street heard it.

'' Just get in line. You can do it , after I've done it first. '' he said said and ment it. He can't imagine his life without her. Not anymore.

Her face changed. She wasn't mad anymore, but she looked at him sadly. Then she turned around and walked away.

'' You okay? '' Rossi walked behind him.

'' What? Me? Yeah I'm fine. '' he tried , but he knew that it was bullshit and that also Rossi knew it. But he didn't say anything. Just looked at him and tried to smile a little bit.

'' Hotch! '' Emily called him. She were standing on JJ's doorway.

Hotch started to walk towards JJ's house reluctantly. '' Yeah?''

'' They tried to find something. Have any idea , what? Can you take a look? '' She asks and looks concerned if he could do it. She understand how hard this must be to him.

'' Yeah. Of course. '' he sais bravely and walks in.

He walks to her office and see a lot of paper in everywhere. It was total mess. And then he sees it. There were writted a word , Phoenix , to the wall and he knew exactly what they were looking for.

That word, Phoenix , were JJ's codename in one case they were working together in Australia. There were just him and JJ , no one other from his team , and the didn't even know about that thing.

He started knocking the wall to wind this one secret place where she keeps the case file from that case.

'' Click'' he heard that one little click and the secret door opened. There were two files and he took them both out.

Inside of those files were so important. There were all information from that case from both of them. He gave his file to her too , because he didn't have a place where to put it.

He started to look if anything were missing, but there were not, so he went downstairs.

His team were already waiting for him. '' Well? '' they said and looked at him.

'' Nothing were missing. They didn't find it what they were looking for. And they wont find it. '' he said to them and hold those files in his hand.

'' Hotch. '' Morgan said quietly. He were holding something in his hand.

'' What is it? '' he said and that look in Morgan's eyes. That awful feeling inside him just kept growing.

He gave that thing to Hotch and said: '' I think you should have this. It were ripped off her neck. The lock is broken.''

The golden necklace. Golden , heart-shaped necklace. He remember when he bought it to her. It was one valentines day. He remembers that beautiful smile in her face.

''Click'' it says when he opens it. That photo were from the same day. They were happy , just lying down on grass and smiling in sun.

'' Thank you.'' he said and smiled a little bit and put the necklace to his pocket and walked out.

'' Aaron '' he heard that voice. It was Emma. He were mentally prepared another slap, but it never came. She looked sad. '' I , though the words you said. And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean that what I said. ''

'' I know. And , Emma. I'm sorry. I do what ever I can to get her back home safely. And you know it. You know that I would die for her.'' he said quietly.

She looked at him and started crying. '' I know that. I know how much you love her.'' Then she just hugged him fast and then run away.

'' Ready to go? '' Rossi asked and shut the door.

Hotch turned around and look the house one more time and muttered : '' Yeah. Let's go.

In his car he just sat a moment and holded the necklace in his hand. Others left a few minutes ago , but he couldn't move yet.

He started the car and said and hoped that JJ would hear it:'' I do anything I can to get you back home safely. And that is a promise. I would die for you. ''


	5. Bombing

Chapter 5. Bombing

_**'' **__**I am so deathly afraid**_  
_**of loosing you.**_  
_**I think about it everyday**_  
_**and torture myself**_  
_**with what if's.**_  
_**I just want to love you**_  
_**Forever ''**_

He drove to the Bureau and his head where total mess. And his cheek were burning, but he didn't care.

He walked to his office and for the first time in his whole life , his head were totally empty. He had no idea what to do. He just sat down and started thinking the Case they had in Australia.

'' Wow. You look good! '' she said when he came out. He were wearing dark green army clothes. She had sand brown clothes too. He smiled to her.

'' Right back at you. '' he said while he sat next to her. They were at the plain, going to Australia.

They talked and laughed and they had fun. They enjoyed for that flight. They didn't have to do anything yet. Just relax. The flight were so long.

'' Jeyje? '' he called while laying down on the sofa.

'' Yeah '' she laughed. She were reading some book. He just loved that smile. He loved her , but he wasn't sure does she feel the same way as he did.

'' Nah, never mind. '' he just watched that smile on her face, It was too beautiful to be true.

'' C'mon. Tell me. It's bothering me now. Pleeeeas. '' she said , got up , walked next to him and sat on the floor.

'' I were just thinking, what do you usually do on your free time. I just see you at the work, and just though your free time. '' he asked and looked into her deep blue eyes.

'' Well , I do a lot of things. I watch movies, I jog and I love to be outside. Nothings better than being on the beach , feel how sun warms my body and to listen how bird sing. '' she smiles and closes her eyes and obviously imagines that feeling in her head. '' What about you?''

'' Well. You know that one marathon what is coming in few weeks. I've been training for that, but like you know, we don't have a lot of time.''

'' So tell me. I'm not quite sure what are we dealing with? '' she asked and took a case file from the table.

'' A terrorist. …'' he started explaining.

It took another hour and they were in Australia.

''We are ready to land , please sit down and put you seatbelt on.'' they heard captains saying.

Few days later they have a profile and they also have a suspect. And they are going to get him to interrogation but there were one situation what changed it all:

'' Ready ,my phoenix?'' he teased her.

'' You, hummingbird, shut you cakehole. And yes, ready.'' she said like she were mad, but it was right opposite. She wanted to laugh , but this situation wasn't right for that.

They went in to their car , and in that car there were also Thomas ( this investigation leader ) and his men Paul and Mark. JJ were only female field agent right now , but she were okay with it.

But something happened, something what changed everything. The car exploded.

The car spin and spin and spin. Hotch felt a huge pain in everywhere and saw blood. A lot of blood. He tried to move, but couldn't. The pain were too much for him. He felt JJ's on his hand , and he turned to look her. She were unconscious. He check her pulse and he did find it. She were alive. Nothing else mattered, she were alive.

The breathing were really painful , so he just sat there and tried to take it easy. He breathed slower and then , everything went black.


	6. Painful Memories

Chapter 6. Painful memories

_**''**__**Sometime the strongest among us**_  
_**are the ones who **_  
_**smile though silent pain,**_  
_**cry behind closed doors **_  
_**and fight battle **_  
_**nobody knows about.''**_

'' Poor Hotch. '' Garcia says and looks at him. '' What is he thinking of? I know he thinks JJ. He looks so sad. I've never seen him like that.''

'' I know. I'm sure he have one memory on his head. I just… We have to find her. I'm not sure what would he do if he loses her. '' Morgan says and holds Garcia's hand. '' But hey, we have a work to do , and that's the only way to help her.''

Hotch hadn't move at all, he just leaned his head to his hands and just though back.

'' Morning! '' he heard someone to say. It was Ben. Their technical analyst. He opened his eyes , but closer them almost immediately. Everything were too bright. He opened them again , and saw a little bit. He had to blink a few times and he saw pretty good.

'' JJ! '' he said and jumped up.

'' Hey , hey , hey. Easy! '' he shouted and held him. That look in Hotch's face told that he were in pain. And it wouldn't be surprise. He were wounded pretty badly. '' JJ isn't awake yet. But you can go to see her if you want to , but you have to be careful , so your stitches won't open.''

He got up , but the pain on his body took the balance from his feet. He almost fell.

'' Believe me? '' Ben laughed a little and helped him up.

'' Okay , okay. '' he groaned in pain.

'' Smiled and pointed to his right : '' She's behind that curtain.''

He walked there while holding his waist.

Hotch just sat there a looked at her. She were so beautiful, she looked so calm when she were asleep.

She started to wake up.

'' Hey.'' He said and held her hand and tried to keep his voice as calm as he could.

'' Hey.'' her voice sounded weak but happy.

'' How are you feeling? ''

'' I'm okay , I ques.'' she said while trying to get a better position.

'' Easy! Let me help you.'' He said and gave her another pillow to her back.

'' Thanks. But hey, are you okay? And what happened and did they catch the guy already and..''

'' Yes. I'm okay. A couple of stitches and headache , nothing more. And something exploded under out car. And we wouldn't be here talking if it were inside and I'm not sure. But I can go to ask if you want to. '' he answered and stand up.

'' Could you? ''

'' Of course. You try to rest. Okay?'' he kissed her to her forehead. She watched him to walk away to Ben. That feeling inside her. He hadn't done that before and it was surprising , but she loved it. It made her feel special.

'' Hotch! he jumped out of her memory when he heard Morgan calling him. The whole BAU must heard that. That tells him that something awful or very important is just happened. He doesn't know which one was this.

He jumped up and run out of his office and went to a conference room. Whole team were there and tha faces were upset and concerned.

He walked in and saw something what stopped her heart on the screen.

He saw JJ.


	7. Direct Broadcast

Chapter 7. Direct broadcast

**_''_****_The prettiest smile_**  
**_hide the deepest secrets._**  
**_The prettiest eye_**  
**_have cried the most tears,_**  
**_and the kindest hearts _**  
**_have felt the most pain.''_**

'' Jeyje?'' he said an walked closer to the screen. He felt a tear spilling his cheek.

" And here are our hummingbird. And I know that you noticed you little phoenix there too. '' he heard this familiar voice. But it couldn't be. That guy were dead. Lucas Mayer. The UNSUB from that case in Australia.

'' You. '' he said angrily. '' I though you.. ''

'' I know. You though I were dead. But you know what. I'm not. Hooray. Now we can have a lot of fun. '' he laughed. That laugh , a cold shiver passed through Hotch's spine.

'' But how? '' Hotch questioned and Lucas just laughed more.

'' You know that I have , actually , I had a twin brother. Same DNA and stuff you know. I exploded my own brother so I could have a sweet revenge.''

Hotch couldn't believe his ears. '' Revenge? ''

'' Yeah. Revenge. You know. I need one pay back. You two were the reasons why I went to prison and well, I escaped. After that those idiots , what were their names .. Ben? Jack? they called you two and now my brother is dead, because you two. And you know what. They are not the only ones. Remember, Thomas, Paul and Mark how they died too. And who's fault is that. Of yeah. YOURS! '' he explained.

'' You are just trying to convince to yourself that you did nothing wrong! '' Hotch almost yelled. The team is never seen him like that and it scared them a lot. '' YOU placed those bombs, you explode our car! You almost killed us all. You killed your brother you killed all of those peoples in there, not us. Those explosions aren't our fault. You killed those peoples , not us. ''

There were a little silence.

But then he just chuckled: ''Oh yeah. Sorry. I'm so rude. Is your ear better and how about the stitches? And well, you were lucky. So were Thomas and Paul, they died immediately , but Mark. Ugh.. he suffered, a lot. And after that , he just died.''

The he walked next to Jennifer and fondles her hair. She in unconscious. '' Isn't she beautiful? And when I watched you two last night, I noticed how lucky you are. Having fun with your beautiful , understatement I know, girlfriend right next to you and watching a movie. ''

'' What? You .. you watched us? '' Hotch questioned. He didn't want to believe that thing he just heard. How? There ain't no cameras to hack and he lives in 4th floor.

'' One day, you were at the case , and I broke in to your house and put cameras to your house. '' he said and he sounded so proud of himself. '' Want to see? '' he asked.

In few second they saw last night happening again:

'' Wow. It's beautiful.'' She say while looking out of the window.

'' I know but there is still always one more beautiful thing'' he says.

'' Yeah? What is it?'' she asks and looks at him.

'' You'' that's all what he says.

He leans forward to her and kisses her and lifts his hand to her cheek. He moves her hair from her beautiful face.

Hotch turns around and watches his team mates reaction. They smiled a little.

'' They are a cute couple , am I right.'' he says and after that he show another clip. It's from the next morning when JJ's leaving:

'' Of course. But hey, be careful okay.'' He says and grabbed her by her waist and pulled her closer to himself. She put her arm around his neck and kissed him with passion.

'' You know I will. Don't worry. I'll be right there. Promise.'' She says and opens her cars door and hops in. She's in and Hotch slams the door closed and watches her to drive off his drive way.

'' And after that is my turn to shine. '' He said self-righteous voice.

Next clip. It were in from JJ's place. And Hotch knew what was going to happen. The kidnapping:

She comes home and he hits her with something. She fell down and her head is bleeding. She turns around and the look on her face. She were scared and confused. '' You?! I thought you were dead!''

'' I know , but surprise. I'm not. '' he says and kicks her gun away.

But JJ kicks him as hard as she could and got up. Tried to run away , but Lucas were faster. He catches her and they fall to the coffee table. JJ trys to reach to her gun but Lucas hits her with a mirror and JJ goes unconscious.

'' Aww, poor Aaron. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that you should have gone with her. But… you can't always win.'' He says after the clip is over.

Hotch were speechless. More tears just spilled his cheek.

'' I will find you , and I will kill you. And that's a promise. And if you hurt her anymore I can promise that you aren't very lucky. I will make you suffer. I will skin you. '' he finally says.

'' Ouch. And Aaron. I promise, I will make you suffer too. One way or another. Mentally and physically.'' He laughed. Jennifer woke up.'' And oh yeah. JJ , you have something to say to your boyfriend? '' he said to Jennifer.

'' Hotch?'' she asked softly and quietly. Her voice quivered

'' Jeyje, It's me. '' he said and he's never been as happy to happy to hear her voice than now.

'' Hotch. I'm sorry''

'' Jen , listen to me. It's okay. You don't have to be. '' Hotch said and he tried to smile but sadness took profit.

'' I love you. '' she said and she cried quietly. He saw how the tears spilled her cheek.

'' I love you too. More than anything.'' He said , but he wasn't sure did those words come out.

And then, the screen went black.


	8. Explanation

Chapter 8. Explanation

_**"Find someone who isn't afraid to**_  
_** admin that they miss you.**_  
_**Someone who knows that **_  
_**you aren't perfect**_  
_**but treats you as if you are.**_  
_**Someone whos biggest fear**_  
_**is losing you**_  
_**Someone who gives their heart **_  
_**completely.**_  
_**Someone who says 'I love you '**_  
_**and means it."**_

He were speechless, He had absolutely nothing to say. Just tears drain in his cheek.

Garcia buried her face in Morgan's shirt.

'' It's okay. It's not that bad as it seems. I'm sure.'' Prentiss said and walked in front of him.

'' You don't know that! You don't know him! '' he shouted. He jumped up and walked the other side of the room. '' He killed over 50 people , and he didn't even blink. He blames other about the explosions. And you know what. He killed most of those people because of us! Because of me and JJ.''

'' Hey! Calm down'' Rossi shouted. '' C'mon. Out. Now! You need fresh air. '' he tried to stay calm.

Hotch went out a bit reluctantly. There were this one bench and they both sat on that.

'' Okay, so tell me. What is going on and who the hell is this guy. And what does he want from you?'' Rossi questions and looks at his best friend. He looked so sad , so fractured. He has never seen him like that. Never.

'' He is psychopath who enjoys others pain. He's name is Lucas. Lucas Mayer.'' he starts.

'' Okay. But how do you know him? UNSUB?'' Rossi asks more questions.

'' Yes. We were in this one case. Cruise sent us there. In Australia. The case leader , Thomas Novak , were Cruises friend. We worked there normally , we made profile and all stuff we do usually. And there were this one man who suit on that profile perfectly: Lucas.'' Hotch continued.

'' Okay, so what happened next? ''

''We went to get him to the interrogation but he knew already that we were coming to get him so he landed a bombs and we drove over one of them , and it exploded. I don't know what happened next. I woke up at next morning from the Hospital. I did hit my head pretty bad , so I got concussion and 10 stitches to my side. Jeyje woke up little later. She hade a broken rib-bone , concussion and cuts from the glass. But Mark , Thomas and Paul, they died in explosion.'' Hotch continued.

'' You never told us that. ''

'' We couldn't. Cruise didn't want to let you know. ''

'' Okay. I got it. So tell me more. '' Rossi said.

'' Next day we got out , and were started working right away. And we worked so hard , and we got the guy. I arrested him and we both were there to interrogate him and he went to jail. '' he kept ecplaining.

'' But you said you thought that he were dead. So he got the death penalty?'' Rossi asked during his explanation.

'' Would you shut your cakehole for a minute and let me tell you ?'' Hotch said and looked at him.

Rossi raised his hand up and laughed: Sorry !

'' He escaped. We were already back home when Ben called us back. We were few weeks been home when he called. So we flied there. We found him. And we went to him . We had those thermal Imagers and we notice that there were someone in his house. And then his house exploded. And we were sure that he were dead.'' Hotch recalled.

'' Until now. '' Rossi utter.

'' Yeah. Until now. And now he wants his revenge, he thinks it was our fault that he exploded his own house , and how our car exploded and how we arrested him.''

It started raining. And it rained hard. They just sat there a moment and they heard the thunder.

'' Shall we go inside ?'' Rossi finally said.

They got up , but Hotch stopped him: ''We are going to find her , right? I just… I don't know what would I do if I loose her. I love her, so much. ''

'' I know you do, I've actually known that for awhile. '' Rossi looks at him and smiles a little. '' You though that you can hide it from me? And Aaron, I promise. We will find her. Although it would be my last thing I do.''

Hotch nods and they walk inside.

'' Just hang in there. I'm coming for you.'' Hotch says quietly so Rossi don't hear it. And the offices door closes behind him.


	9. The First Date

Chapter 9. The first date

_**"People cry,**_  
_**not because they are weak.**_  
_**It's because they've been strong**_  
_**for too long"**_

'' No , Hotch. We wont let you.'' Derek said. '' You heard what he said. He promised that he will make you suffer too. One way or another. Mentally and physically. So we are not letting you go alone.''

He just wanted to go home. Just wanted to sleep a little , to clear his head a little.

'' I know , but I can take care of myself , thanks.'' he said displeased.

'' I'm sure you can , but right now, I don't care. You are not going alone. Period. '' Morgan says determinedly. Hotch is too tired to argue , so he gives up.

'' Okay , okay. I just need something and I stay in here this night , okay?'' He says and looks at Morgan who nods.

'' I can come with you. '' Rossi suggest. He said something to the team , but Hotch were already out of the room.

'' I think you should hear one thing, so I call you in the car , but don't say anything. I don't want him to know okay?''

*In car*

'' So , Hotch, tell me. I've though one thing a lot. How did you too start dating? '' Rossi asked while driving.

'' I told to JJ once that I trained to a marathon , so she wanted to come too, so we trained together. We had great time and I asked her out.'' Hotch said and kept explaining while memorizing it all:

Knock knock knock!

JJ went open the door. It was Hotch.

'' Hey. '' JJ said and smiled.

'' Hey. You're ready? '' Hotch smiled to her. She looked stunning in her blue dress.

'' I just get my stuff and I'm ready to go.''

It was dark already and the stars were shining bright.  
She game out and her hair shines on moon light.

He stepped a stair down when JJ stops him: ''Hotch?''

'' Did you forget something? '' he turns around.

'' This.'' She says and kisses him. The kiss were so soft, so warm. '' Okay, now I'm ready.'' she said and hold Hotch's hand.

He took her to the restaurant and they had a awesome time , but something in that evening , he will never forget. Their walk in the park.

'' Look at those all stars.'' He says and looks at the sky. He takes his jacket and puts it on ground. They sat on it. '' What is the first thing that becomes to your mind when I say word 'Star'? he asks and looks at her. She didn't answer immediately, and he wasn't sure were she going to answer to him at all when she startet telling:

'' My sister. We were little when we had this tree house. I weren't more than were there often and one night she told me that she want to become to the brightest star on Hollywood. She wanted to became a actress. But like you know. She never made it. You know that she killed herself when I was 11. And I just miss her so much.'' She told to him but after that just laughed. '' Sorry. Not really … '' But he didn't let her finish.

'' You can't say anything wrong. It's okay. '' He said and held her hand.

She smiles to him: ''I just feel so lonely sometimes. I just feel like there is no one. ''

'' You are not alone. Never. Just try to find the brightest star and you see her. Because why to settle to be only the brightest star on Hollywood when you can be the brightest star in whole world. '' He says to her and she looks at him. She's never felt anything like it. She thinks that she is falling in love.

He kisses her , and the passion between them. Wow.

They are in Hotch drive way.

They got out of the car and they started walking to the house , but then Hotch does something what changed everything: he locks his car , and the car exploses.

They both flies backwards a few meters because of the power of the explosion.

Rossi hits on the ground and get knocked out.

Hotch hits to a tree , and the pain in his body, it's overwhelming. He is still barely conscious. He sees a black car driving to his drive way , but he can't move. It's too painful.

One man comes out of a car and walks to him. It was Lucas.

'' Hey Aaron. We meet again. '' He laughs. Hotch feels a pure pain in his head and goes unconscious , because he stamped on his head.


	10. Fractured Thought

Chapter 10. Fractured Thought

_**''**__**When you feel alone **_  
_**and the world has turned it's back on you.**_  
_**I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you.**_  
_**It's hard to find relief **_  
_**and people can be so cold.**_  
_**When darkness is upon your door**_  
_**and you feel like you can't take anymore.**_  
_**But you still care for me , **_  
_**say a prayer for me , and I know.''**_

*15 minutes after explosion.*

'' Open the tv! '' Garcia shouts and runs to a conference room.

'' Which channel? ''

'' Don't matter. It's on news in every channel'' Garcia panicked.

Team gasped almost at the same time when they heard that Hotch car exploded. The video video footage. The car were in pieces and there were ambulance and polices and fire trucks.

'' I bet that Hotch isn't there anymore.'' Morgan said and he's so sure about it.

'' Yeah, I know. But we have to go there , to see if Rossi's okay. '' Prentiss said and were already going.

'' Garcia! Search if you can find any more footage , maybe from the explosion. We have to know what happened!'' Morgan said and run after Emily and Reid.

'' Of course. '' she said and went to her little gave. '' Okay Garcia, calm down. It's going to be okay.'' She tried to convince herself , but It didn't work. They all were so worried about them.

Tears flowed down her cheek while she were searching.

* On Hotch's place *

'' Stop! '' Police said when Morgan were going to undercut the yellow police line.

'' We are with him '' he says and points at Rossi.

'' FBI? '' Police asks and they show their badges. Police lifts the line and they go under it.

'' Rossi! '' Emily shouts and runs to him. Morgan and Reid comes after her.

'' You okay? What the hell happened?'' Reid looks around him.

Rossi had a bandage on his forehead and he had a class cuts on his body.

'' Yeah. And we have to take one thing into consideration, Hotch were closed the car when it exploded , so his injurys are worst than mine. And the pressure of the bomb was so strong that I'm not even sure…. '' his voice didn't last until the end. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to believe that his best friend may be dead.

'' I'm sure he is alive, don't worry. He wont give up that easily. '' Morgan tried , but he knew that it's possible. Sometimes there is a things that you can't stop from happening. '' He is a fighter , and he will be okay. ''

Rossi nods.

'' So tell us. What happened? '' Reid asked. Prentiss went to look at the car with Morgan.

'' We just talked about their first date like you heard. We got out and he gave me his keys and told me to open the door. He went to his mailbox. He got his mail and I opened the door. The he locked the car and it exploded. I flied a few meters back and he hit that tree. I went unconscious , so I don't know what happened next. '' He told.

'' Okay, so what is the next thing you remember? '' Reid kept asking.

'' I woke up , someone tried to wake me up. One of the other residents. The car were still burning , and someone called the ambulance and police. I didn't saw Hotch anywhere. When I just tried to remember is there were anything what could help us to find them and well, then you three showed up. ''

'' Okay. I have one more question. Where did Hotch stand when it exploded? Reid asked and looked at the car, it didn't burn anymore , but just looking at it made him feel bad.

'' Almost exactly at the spot where Morgan stands now.'' he pointed.

'' Okay.'' Reid said simply , tried to look normal. But it wasn' t easy. Morgan stood like one meter away from the car, and if Hotch were still alive , he were badly hurt.

'' So? What did he say? '' Morgan asks. And he saw how pale he was. '' What's wrong?''

'' Morgan. '' Spencer started. '' You are standing almost exactly on that spot where Hotch were when it exploded. And he hit on that tree over there. It was 4 meters away.

Morgan went pale too. '' So he is badly injured if even.. alive? Is that what your saying? '' He didn't want to believe it. '' He is alive. I'm sure!'' he shouted. '' He must be. '' and his voice turned quiet and sad.

'' We should get back. '' Emily said. Reid and Morgan nodded and they went to Rossi.

*Back at the BAU *

Garcia ran straight to Rossi and hugged him tightly. '' Are you okay?''

'' Yeah. I am. '' he said and smiled a little.

'' Good. And I have a good news, well kind of. Well not really. Awful news.'' she said.

'' Baby girl! What is it? '' Morgan interrupted her.

''I got the video footage from the explosion and from that time when he put that bomb.'' Garcia faltered.

They went to her office.

'' So Hotch car were in the parking lot , right. So I went though some surveillance camera tapes and I saw this'' she said and showed to them how he put the bomb under his car.

And then came the most painful video.

'' I hacked his cameras and I got this'' she said.

CABOOM. The car exploded and they saw how Rossi and Hotch flew backwards. The glass broke too from some apartments. Garcia let out a little sound when Hotch hits to a tree and they saw how he was struggling with the pain. His clothes are covered in glass and only thet hit to that tree broke his rib bones. He gave up. He tried not to move.

Then the car game and they saw him to walk to Hotch and say something to him. The camera was too far away to see what he said to him. Then he stamped to his head and dragged Hotch to his car.

'' Oh… oh my god! '' Emily said and covered her mouth.

'' Wha.. what do we do next. We have nothing. '' Garcia asked and looked like she will cry in any second.

'' You're wrong. We know who he is and what does he want.'' Rossi said and squatted next to her. '' Garcia , can you do me a favor? Find me everything about Lucas Mayer.''

'' Of course. Are you saying that he is behind all this? '' Garcia asked and started working.

'' I know he is. Hotch told me everything when we were outside. '' Rossi explained.

'' Would you like to share it with us? Morgan said sarcastically.

'' Don't worry. We will get you too home.'' Rossi thought and started telling.


	11. Show time

Chapter 11. Show time

_**"Life has knocked me down **_  
_**a few times,**_  
_**it showed e things **_  
_**I never wanted to see.**_  
_**I experienced sadness**_  
_**and failure.**_  
_**But one thing for sure,**_  
_**I always get up."**_

'' Wakey wakey! '' he heard that voice from somewhere far away. But it felt like coming closed. He felt cold and tired , but that pain woke him up. But he wasn't fast enough to avoid the ice water. He opened his eyes. '' Hey. Finally. '' Lucas said and slapped him a few time to his cheek.

Lucas described live broadcast again to BAU. And he hacked the web cam from the computer , so they saw them.

'' And oh yeah. Sorry about these! '' he said and punched him to his side. He had broken rib-bones. He had to shout , the pain were just too much. It was really hard to breath. '' But these.. '' he punched again '' are nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you in here.''

Hotch could believe it easily .

'' So you should be there in one 20 minutes, and I show something to you. Okay. If your not, I will kill one of those. Do I make myself clear?'' he says to them. They all nod. '' Good. See you in an then. And you too. I'll be back in a minute , so behave okay. So no qossiping. '' he said and left the room , but they still saw their team.

'' Hotch?'' Rossi said and sounded scared.

Hotch tried to get some air to his lungs and finally got said:'' Dave. Don't. It's okay.''

Rossi tried to smile , but still said what made him sad again: '' Hotch. I'm sorry. But I promise, we will get you two out of there.''

Then the screen went black.

They were in handcuffs and hanging on some rope.

'' Hotch?'' JJ said. He looked to her eye , and he felt so bad. They were red and around them there were dark circles. He tried to smile encouragingly. '' What happened. You look worst than I do.''

'' I know. He landed a bomb to my car and it exploded. ''

'' But you weren't inside the car , right?'' she said and she looked so scared.

'' No, I weren't. Lucky me. I just flew toward the tree. '' he gasped. Every breath were pure pain.

'' Hotch , If we die here, I want you to know one thing. '' JJ started but Hotch didn't let her finish.

'' JJ , don't. First of all, we are not dying here. Second of all, you don't have to. I know it already.''

'' Hotch I know that you know it , but I can't get a peace of mind If I don't say it. Hotch. I'm sorry.'' JJ said and he saw how a tear flowed down on her cheek.

'' You don't have to apologize, anything. '' Hotch tried , but JJ didn't believe him.

'' I do. I've cost so much pain for you in these few month, I've let you down so many times.''

Hotch tried to say something but Lucas came in so he didn't have time to say anything.

'' Ready? It's show time.'' he laughed when saw the pain in their faces.

He put the screen on and they saw their team on the other side of the screen.

'' Hello my friends, ready to see something very interesting and fun?'' he asks and Hotch and JJ look to each other. His fun is definitely not that fun for them.

He rolled two cart to them. '' Let's start. '' he said happily.

He came to Hotch . ''Which one first?'' but he didn't answer.

'' I said which one!'' he shouted and hit him to his chest. Hotch shrieked with in pain.

'' First one '' he gasped.

'' To you or to her? '' he asked , but he knew already which one he was going to pick.

'' To me. '' he said , but it didn't came out.

'' Sorry, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU! he shouted so hard.

'' The first one, to me.'' he said it louder.

He smiled and took that cloth from it and that made him very concern. He were sure that this was going to hurt. A lot.


	12. Pain is never been this painful

Chapter 12. Pain is never been this painful

_**"**__**You never know  
how strong you are,  
until being strong  
is the only choice  
you have."**_

'' Please, don't do it. He don't deserve it. He's not done anything bad to you. '' Garcia begged.

'' Well, then should I do it to her? '' he questioned.

'' No! '' hotch shouted, but already regret it. All air were gone from his lungs.

'' Okay, so let's get this over with. '' he said a huge smile on his face. Under that cloth what he took off there were this electric cable and in it there were this water dripping sponge.

*zab*

He touched him with that and electrical pain spread to his whole body. He tried not to yell, and he made it but how, he didn't even know.

'' Please stop it. Please! Prentiss almost cried. ''

'' I've not even get started yet. And I'm not going to stop before he admit it.'' he said and touched him again.

It had been charged more, so the pain was bigger. He still tried to be as quiet as possible , but it was so hard. Somehow he kept most of it inside , but he let out a little scream.

'' What do you want us to admit?'' JJ cried. She couldn't imagine anything worst than seeing a people who she loves to get hurt.

'' That it was your fault that my brother is dead!'' he shouts and charged the device still to hit harder.

'' Never. You know that you exploded the house, not us.'' Hotch said as loud as he could. Hotch gets another shock. And he can't control the pain anymore. He shouted so hard. The pain felt in every bone , in every vain in every muscle he had. His legs betrayed. If he wouldn't be in that rope he would be lying on the ground.

'' Enjoying?'' he said and lifted Aaron's head up. '' Admit it?''

'' No. You will not get me admit that. '' Hotch answered and spit a blood to his face. If Lucas weren't angry yet, he were now. He touched with that sponge again , and Hotch couldn't last that pain any second longer. He went unconscious. He just hung there.

'' Aaron! '' JJ screamed and cried.

'' Don't worry sweetheart, he live. '' he said. '' So you like our show ?'' he turned to look to the team. JJ looked at Hotch. And that image will never leave from her head. She turned to look at the screen too. Garcia and Prentiss cried and Morgan and Reid were so close of that.

'' Why are you doing this?'' David asked.

'' Why not. They destroyed my life, so why wouldn't I do the same to them? It's justice, you know." he explained. '' They killed my brother!"

He turned back to JJ. '' So , beauty, it's your turn. This '' he lifted the cable and the sponge. '' or this another?''

He though a while. If she choose the sponge it would be really painful , but in the other hand , she had no idea what that other was.

'' I take the risk and I choose that other.'' she said quietly and hoped the best.

Lucas took the cloth off and she saw rag and buckets full of water.

He put the rag to water and after that , he put it to her face. JJ started panicking. She felt already like she couldn't breath. Then came the water. It came pretty fast and she felt how it went to her lungs. She tried to breath , but it felt like all the oxygen were lost. Like there were nothing there.

Few second later , Lucas took thee rag off and JJ cough the water from her lungs. And in some point she felt like she cough her lungs out. When all that water were out, he started again.

'' Please! Stop! '' she yelled through the rag. She could not breath.

'' Admit it? '' Lucas asked and put the bucket down.

'' I admit it. It was my fault. But he weren't part of the plan. I swear. '' JJ said while tried to breath.

'' So you admit it? You admit that my brothers dead is your fault?'' he looked surprised. '' Okay then. But I don't believe it. You don't do plans by yourself. I don't torture you yet. Not as much as I will him , if he doesn't admit it. If he does , then I'm going to kill you both at the same time.'' he said and went in front of the screen.

'' You can't do this!'' Morgan yelled.

'' Yeah why not?''

'' Because they didn't do it.'' Morgan tried but instead of a answer he shut the video and the screen went black.

'' Now , if you excuse me, I have a few things to do. '' he smiled and smelled her hair and walked away.

JJ started crying.

'' I'm sorry. I tried to help you! I'm so sorry. '' she said quietly to Hotch she didn't get answer. She didn't miss anything as much as she missed Aaron. As much she missed his voice , his touch and his kisses. Nothing more, just to hear a few simple words from him: '' It'll be okay. I promise. I will keep you safe.''

**So what do you think? Just let me know with in review. I hope you like it. **


	13. Let the game begin

Chapter 13. Let the game begin.

**_''_****_When something bad happens ,_**  
**_you have three choices_**  
**_You can either let it _**  
**_define you._**  
**_Let it destroy you._**  
**_Or you can let it_**  
**_strengthen you.'' _**

'' Good Morning! '' Lucas came to Hotch and splashed Ice water on Hotch. Hotch wrist hurt , handcuffs were too tight to him and the bruises were painful. But he were already kind of used to the pain, so the breathing were little easier. But he couldn't get used to the pain what the chocks gave to him. It felt like his chest and side were burning.

'' Slept well?'' Lucas asked but Hotch didn't answer. '' Well , I hope. You need all possible energy what you can get, because I do what ever I have to do to get your confession.'' he said and hit him lightly to Hotch jaw and to his chest.

Hotch thought that he were used with the pain , but he were so wrong. Pain were worst than ever.

But the pain didn't last long. Pain didn't matter any more, there were one thing what were the most important thing to him, something he would do anything for, no matter how much pain he felt.

'' Where's JJ? ''he asked and his voice were mixture of concern, anger and fear.

"Oh, don't worry my friend. She'll be okay, well, it's up to you. If you hurry, she may live.

"What's that supposed to mean? Hotch questioned.

'' Rules are simple. '' Lucas started. '' You have one hour to save her. Or maybe less. I take you handcuffs off and I open this door. You have to find this one room where she is. And in every 10 minutes , she will get one foot ice water on her. When your hour is up , she is probably drowned. So, I give you a little advice, hurry.'' he laughed. '' And if you are as good agent as you think you are, then you will find her.''

Lucas clicked the screen and Hotch were pretty sure that it was Morgan's laptop. He saw Morgan and Garcia.

'' Penelope. Go get the others.'' Lucas said to her with arrogant smile on his face. Garcia's eyes were red. She's been crying. Hotch tried to smile to her a little. Garcia tried to smile back at him.

''Garcia, it's okay. Go get them. '' he said and tried to keep his voice calm. But it wasn't easy. This whole thing was just a game to Lucas , but to him and Jennifer. It was more like do or die.

Garcia nods and wipes her tears for her eye. He went out and in a while the others came after him to Morgan's office.

'' Hello, my friends. Ready to my little game. I call it , _Whoops , wrong door._ It's one of my favorite games.'' he says to them and laughs like it had been a great joke. He turned back to Hotch.

'' Ready? ''

'' Why are you doing this? '' Hotch asked. He's in shock, but he didn't let it show. He didn't knew the area. He had no idea where to go , or what kind of area it was.

Lucas smiled , but his face turned serious very quickly. He hit Hotch to his side. Hotch shouted a little in pain.

'' Why wouldn't I do this! You killed my brother , and I will make you suffer. I lost my brother. And if you don't hurry , you will lose someone you love too! '' Lucas shouted.

'' You don't remember anymore don't you. '' Hotch said quietly in pain. '' In LA? Our case? Our talk? ''

'' Don't you ever talk about that! '' he shouted and took a knife. He lifted it to Hotch's neck.

But Hotch didn't believe him , he just kept talking: '' We were at the bar. The case were over , and we saved that little boy from that burning house. We were just talking and you said something. You said that if you ever turn to the bad guy, you wouldn't recognize yourself anymore. And you said that you will never let it happen , because this is what you want to do the rest of your life. Saving lives, helping people. Like your father did before he died. '' Hotch said and thought , when does he slash his throat. But the reaction were opposite. He put his knife down.

'' So what happened. What made you turn? What made go to the '_other side'_. As you can see, you are not saving lives , you are not helping people. You are hurting them, you are killing them.'' Hotch said and for that he got a punch to chest. And it hurt like hell, but he didn't care. He just looked at Lucas. his face. he clearly remembered that conversation , but it didn't mean anything to him.

'' I weren't thinking clearly, I were just looking myself and now I'm finally find it. And my brother were my life and you killed him , so now I'm killing you. You destroyed my life. So now I'm going to take yours.''

'' No, you killed people even before you even knew about me. Before we even met. You killed people, you were a terrorist. That's why we came. That's why we arrested you. '' Hotch continued. And he got another punch. A lot of harder than the first one. And that place were he hit, he hit to his midriff. It made him gasping for breath.

'' No more words! I'm tired of your memories. You killed my brother and you can never change that. And because of that, I will make you both suffer. And why am I showing this to your team? Because I want them to know what kind of people they work with. '' he said and turned to look at them. They all looked so freaked out. So scared.

He walked back to Hotch. Lucas looked Hotch's hand above is head. He lifted his hands and gave something to him. Keys.

He walked behind Hotch , opened the door to some room full of trash and screens and one of those screens Hotch saw JJ in some hollow. It was like a well but it was larger. Lucas looked at Hotch through the glass.

'' So! Let the game begin! '' he said proudly from the speakers.


	14. Searching for you

Chapter 14. Searching for you

_**"I told you that I'm not scared of anything.**_  
_**I guess I lied.**_  
_**I'm not scared of dying**_  
_**I'm not scared of love**_  
_**but It doesn't mean that I don't scared at all.**_  
_**Because there is this one thing I'm scared of.**_  
_**I so god damn scared of losing you."**_

60.00, 59.59, 59.58…

The countdown started. He had the keys in his hand, but it wasn't the easy to open the handcuffs. Hotch feet didn't reach to the floor. It was 20 centimeters above the floor. He grabs the rope and try to pull himself a little higher to reach the handcuffs. And somehow he made it , but the pain in his wrist were so painful that his grip slipped and he fell to the floor. All oxygen left from his lungs. It was almost impossible to breath. But it didn't matter. He tried and somehow he breathed.

He tried to get up, but it hurt so badly that he just tried to take it easy. He stood , but he felt like he could fall down in any minute.

He felt now the full damage what the explosion caused to him. Every step were so painful. He had this one pretty large cut on his thigh and he felt really dizzy. And he wasn't sure were it caused by the explosion or the dehydration.

He walked toward this door. He opened it and he saw something what made his heart to skip one beat. There were 4 stairs , two up and two down, and there were two doors on each floor.

'' So the thing is this. Just follow the patterns. And if you guess wrong, JJ will pay the price. Understand? Good. '' he said.

'' The room. It looked like a basement, or something like that. But the whole is at least 6 foot deep. So it must be down. But how do I go there and how high this building is? '' he thought.

53.42, 53.41, 53.40…

He started moving , and he took one stairs down.

'' Patterns… patterns..'' he thinks. He took the second door from the stairs and he really hoped that were right door.

Next one were hard. He saw door, stairs up, stairs down and door. 1 + 2 = 3 so it could be the stairs down or it could be like he took the second door from the stairs so maybe it's lik = 4 so it could be the second door.

He took the stairs and he went down. * Splash! * he heard how the water drop and after that he heard screaming. It was JJ.

'' You first 10 minutes is up. '' Lucas said.

Next one was same as the other one: Door , stairs up , stairs down and door.

'' This is too easy.'' he thinks but keeps going. He takes the door from his right. And The doors and stairs were in same order as those two before.

'' 4 +1 is five so maybe it's starts over. '' he says quietly , and opens the door. * Splash! *

'' Oh yeah, I forgot to say that if you choose wrong JJ gets more water on her. '' he laughs.

Hotch is about to talk , but something make him stop. He heard some quiet growling , but it weren't very far. he turned around slowly. He saw a dog and it came slowly towards him.

He walked slowly backwards to get away, but where should he go?

The dog attacked and Hotch tried to open the other door. He couldn't. It was locked. Dog ran toward him , but Hotch were enough quick so it hit to the door , but before it went unconscious it bite him a little to his leg. It started bleeding a little.

* Splash!* and that sound and that screaming told to him that another ten minutes were gone.

The door didn't open no matter how hard he tried to push it. He tried once again and it opened, but a little too fast. He fell down to the floor, but the pain weren't the usual. This pain were more stinging. But he couldn't see what was it. Everything dim in his eyes. In awhile he started seeing again and the pain only got worst. There were broken glass everywhere. He had cut his hand and his other leg , but it wasn't really bad.

*Splash! *

He started walking , but couldn't a much at once. The pain were too much now. And he just couldn't anymore. He wanted to go to JJ he really did , but if he tried to go any faster the pain would be that hard that he can't even move anymore.

This hall were huge and it took several minutes to get to the other side.

* Splash! * Another ten minutes were gone and he knew that he had to hurry. There were already 5 foot water and JJ were just 5.7 foot tall and that water were cold.

'' What else. Just please no dog anymore okay.'' he hoped and that something just happened at the same moment: The floor drop below him. He fell to some hole. He tried and he tried and he tried and he finally got up.

* Splash! * another 10 minutes has gone. He didn't think he just took the stairs down , but he didn't hear another splash so he took right path.

He went down, and when the stairs finally ended he saw it. He saw the hollow where JJ were. He ran there as fast as he could with this pain.

He took his jacket off and jumped to the water. JJ were dangerously pale and her lips were bluish. JJ were under the water so Hotch had to dive her up. He brought her to the floor and check her pulse. It was really weak.

JJ started to cough water from her lungs but she didn't open her eyes. Air were also so cold , but Hotch didn't care about himself now. He reached his jacket and wrapped it around her. JJ were also bleeding from her side, it was pretty bad. She had also bad bruises everywhere. They were worst than he had.

'' Take her and walk those stairs all up and turn left.'' Lucas said. Those words remain floating in the room. He puts his hand to her popliteal and another hand to her back and lift her up.

He walked the stairs up and went left. He came to the same room where he left.

'' I have to handle one thing , it might take hours , so here is two sandwiches and bottle of water , so you don't die before I'm done with you two. '' he laughed and left them alone.

He put her gently to the floor , got the floor and went next to her. He wrapped the jacket better around her and she leaned to his shoulder and to his side.

Hotch wrapped his arms around her. He just sat there and watched her to sleep.

'' Aaron?'' she said quietly after awhile.

'' Shh. It's me. You're safe now. '' he whispered to her ear.

JJ smiled weakly. '' Thank you. '' she said and fell back to sleep.

He kissed her gently to her forehead. '' It'll be okay. I promise. ''

_**Sorry. Not my best chapter but let me know what do you think about this. **_


	15. Investigation

Chapter 15. Investigation

_**" **__**I finally understood**_  
_**what true love meant.**_  
_**Love meant that you care for**_  
_**another person's happiness**_  
_**more than your own,**_  
_**no matter how painful choices you face**_  
_**might be.''**_

'' Hey, _Baby Girl_! Calm down! '' Morgan tried.

'' This isn't right. It's not fair. it just.. why them. They didn't do it. it wasn't their fault. They didn't explode that house! '' Garcia cried.

'' Hey. Listen to me… '' Morgan kept trying , but Garcia were too upset.

'' I just want him die. No no, I want him bleed.. Oh god. I just scared myself. '' Garcia gasped.

Morgan chuckles. '' Good. That's a good thing. Because if there's one thing I've learned the hard way, is the last person you wanna tick off is Miss Penelope Garcia. ''

'' Ooh '' she sighs. '' That is a compliment , right '' she questioned.

'' Yes it is.'' Morgan smiles.

'' Ooh.'' Garcia sighs again.

'' Now , Garcia, we need you now, they need you now. So start searching. What is Lucas' address? '' Morgan said and Garcia went to her computers. She searched and searched , but didn't find anything.

'' Okay, so it's not in his name. '' Rossi said.

'' Maybe Hotch were trying to help us. Search for his father's name. '' Prentiss said and Garcia searched for Lucas' fathers name.

''Eric Mayer, there is apartment in his name. South park road 59 apartment E 25.'' Garcia says.

'' Okay , so let's go.'' Rossi said.

* In Lucas' Apartment. *

'' I bet the there are photos about Hotch and JJ inside. '' Morgan said to Prentiss with a little smirk on his face.

Prentiss looked back at him and she weren't sure did she heard it right.

'' You wanna bet? In a situation like this?'' she questioned. But thought a second. '' Okay, I'm in. 10 bucks?

'' Deal. '' He said and they walked in.

Frist thing they noticed were the smell. It was so disgusting. There were trashes , dishes and dirt everywhere.

'' Oh my god! '' Prentiss gasped and covered her face.

'' Morgan and Reid, take upstairs . Prentiss you're with me. '' Rossi said and tried to ignore the smell. All three nodded.

'' Come on _pretty boy_.'' Morgan said and went up.

A few moment later they came down.

'' There were nothing. Just more this mess. '' Morgan said and looked at his team mates.

They looked at him somehow weird. It was a moment quiet , but then Rossi opened his mouth: ''Yeah, same here. ''

'' Morgan, are you… '' Prentiss started , but she couldn't finish.

'' Am I what? '' He asked. She sounded weird.

'' Nah, never mind. Just forget it. '' Emily said and tried to act as normal as she could.

'' Okay then. Ready to go back? '' Morgan said and opens the door.

They all walked out and were next their car.

'' Does this feel odd to you? I thought that we would find some pictures or videos or something, but we found nothing. '' Reid said.

'' Yeah. Definitely. So what's wrong? Rossi agrees.

'' We missed something. '' Spencer says and goes back to the house. So does others.

'' Over here! ''Morgan shout to the from the other side of the house.

Emily comes first and Rossi and Reid right behind her.

'' What is it? '' she asks.

'' A basement. '' Morgan says and wipes the leafs away. Under them they saw wooden door on ground. Morgan opens it and lights it with his flashlight.

They go inside and Reid were right. They did really miss something.

Morgan turns to Spencer '' So , _Pretty boy_. Next time you wish something , be careful with that, okay. ''


	16. Stalker

Chapter 16. Stalker

_**'**__**'Cause I've been there before**_  
_**And you've been there before**_  
_**But together we can be all right**_  
_**'Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold**_  
_**We hold each other 'til we see the sun light''**_

The all just stopped, they didn't took even one step when they walked in.

'' Yeah, I think he is just a little obsession about them.'' Reid finally says and looks around. So did others.

'' I think you owe me 10 bucks.'' Morgan said and walked closer.

'' I give you too. '' Emily answered and got her wallet.

'' Just look at all this. How long time he had been stalking them? '' Rossi asked.

There were pictures after pictures , videos, recordings and more pictures and videos. It was like office. There were computer , tables and bulleting boards. And they all were full of photos and video tapes.

'' We have to take a few of these to Garcia. '' Morgan says and starts searching.

'' Awws. Look at them. They look so cute together. '' Emily says while looking a pile of photos. She shows to Rossi this one picture where Hotch and JJ were at JJ's place, sitting on couch and Hotch's arm around her while she is lying right next to him. And another picture , when they were sleeping and JJ's head were on his chest. They both looked so happy.

'' We have to get them back, they deserve to be happy. They deserve this! '' Emily almost shouts and shows them a picture where Hotch kisses JJ passionately.

'' Emily, listen to me. We are working on it, and we will get them home. But you need to focus. Okay? '' Rossi talked to her and she nodded.

'' It's just not right. After all what they've gone through. After Haley died. After Will's leaving. They get finally a chance to be happy , to feel love. And now , what if Lucas kills Hotch. What if he kills JJ , do you think Hotch could take that. To see a woman ,who he deeply loves , to die. No I don't think so. '' Emily worried. And they all agreed.

'' C'mon, let's go. We have to take these to Garcia. '' Morgan said breaking the silence. So they went out and drove away.

* Back at the BAU *

'' So these are? Video taped about our two friends? And you want to watch these? '' Garcia asked.

'' Yeah. And those are not all. That room were full of those.'' Rossi said.

'' Okay. So let's start. '' Garcia said and put first tape in.

'' Is that all you got? '' Hotch teased. They were running. Training to that marathon.

'' Aaron! No don't. This one is mine! '' she laughed while Hotch ran by her.

'' Ouch! '' she shouted.

'' You okay? '' Hotch stopped and walked next to her.

'' Yeah. I think… I think I'm gonna beat you! '' she said and ran as fast as she could. She rant to one tree and turned around. Hotch laughed.

'' You know that you don't win if you cheat. '' he smirked.

'' You just have to learn to keep up. '' She smiled.

'' What happened to that 'Slow and study ' method? '' Hotch asked.

'' Who told you that? ''

'' My training partner. He admits and they walk away so they don't hear anymore what they say.

'' Aww. Cute! '' Garcia says.

'' So this next one. Ready? '' Reid gives her this other tape. There were this tag on it with a date , 5. April .

''That was after when that boy… '' Prentiss started but stopped because that feeling inside her.

'' After what? '' Morgan asked and looked concern. Emily went pale.

'' After that boy died in JJ's arms. '' she said quietly. They all remembered it. It was so tragical.

JJ sat under her shower.

'' JJ ? '' Hotch said quietly and walked to bathroom.

'' Yeah.'' She lifted her head an looked him. Her make up were spread to her face. She were crying , so Hotch walked to her and sits next to her. He don't care that his clothes get wet. I doesn't matter.

'' C'mon talk to me. '' he said and she leans her head on Hotch's shoulder. Her hair were dripping water.

'' I Feel like I can't get washed the blood from my hands. And My hands are still shaking. '' She says while the tear drops fall in her face.

Hotch get her hands between his own, lifts them a little and kisses them softly. '' Better? '' He asked and she nodded a little.

'' You called. '' Hotch said quietly.

'' Yeah. '' she cried. '' Aaron, please , don't go. I don't can't be alone. ''

'' Hey, Jeyje, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here as long as you want me to be. '' He said , turned waters temperature warmer and wrapped his arms around her.

'' Thank you. '' She whispered. Tear were dripping down her cheek , but Hotch wiped it away before it fell. Hi kissed her to her cheek.

'' Always here when you need me. '' He said and the tape ended.

'' Oh. My . Gosh. '' Garcia gasped quietly.

They were all speechless. They had absolutely nothing to say.

**So. Review and tell me what to do you think. I really ****appreciate it. **

**Thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me.**


	17. Misunderstanding

Chapter 17. Misunderstanding

**_"Sometimes_**  
**_words are not enough to make_**  
**_someone to feel that_**  
**_you care for them-_**  
**_Sometimes_**  
**_it needs a little effort. "_**

'' What can I do? '' Garcia said finally. '' I need to do something. Those two are suffering and I'm not doing anything to stop it. Tell me. What can I do to help them. We have to get them home. ''

'' Okay. First of all, Baby girl , calm down. Take a deep breath and after that I tell you what to do. '' Margan said and Garcia obeyed.

'' So can you find everything about Lucas. And by everything I mean _everything_. '' Morgan said and smiled encouragingly. '' And hey , Penelope, Don't worry. We will get them home. ''

'' I do my best. '' She said and started working.

'' I know you will. Just let me know when you're done. '' Morgan said and they walked out of Garcia's office.

They came to a conference room when Emily started shouting to Morgan:

'' What the hell is wrong with you! ''

'' Wh.. what do you mean? '' He asked. He had no idea what she meant about it.

'' How can you be so… indifferent? '' She kept going and they saw how tear fell down her cheek.

'' Indifferent? What are you talking about?''

'' You… talk like you don't care. You bet , you call Garcia by name Baby Girl and Reid as a Pretty boy. You work like this is normal case , it's pretty damn far from it. I know they can be a pain in our ass , but they are our friends. What if this room were covered in Hotch's or JJ's blood. Or both. What would you say? '' Emily said and last words were painful to her.

'' Well, the color wouldn't be this red, it's more like coffee brown. '' he said but they all knew that it wasn't what he really thought about that.

He felt bad for saying that. Not because of those looks he got from his team mates , but because that was right opposite what he would say.

'' You thought that I were serious? '' he asked when he saw her face. '' So you don't know me at all. I try to act normally, I try to work this case like there is no connection to us , but it doesn't matter that I don't care. I care. A lot. You have no idea how badly it hurts to see them to get hurt. Why I try to act normally? Because inside I feel like I just want to smash stuff and just shout but I know one thing for sure. That wouldn't help them lot , would it? '' He raised his voice and Emily didn't know what to say. She really thought that he meant it.

'' They can be sometimes pain in my ass, hells yeah. But they are my friends .. no, they are part of my family. You all are. I try to act natural , so we can get them back home. '' he ended and Emily looks at him and cries.

She runs to him and wraps her hands around his neck. '' I'm sorry.'' she cries, her tears wets his dark shirt.

'' Shhh.. It's okay. '' he holds her. Morgan put his chin to top of her head and he smells her hair. It was soft and sweet ,I smells like vanilla. Morgan saw Rossi and Reid behind her and they smiled a little.

Prentiss pull back a little and looks at Morgan.

'' Better ? '' he asked a sweet little smile on his face.

'' Yes. Thank you. '' she answered and smiled back.

'' Okay so should we go back to work and get our friends back home , okay? '' Morgan asked and all three nodded.

**Okay, so .. what do you think. Just let me know. Always appreciate your reviews. And also thank you for reading this. It mean a lot to me. I try to post at least once a day.**


	18. Am I really losing you today?

Chapter 18. Am I really losing you today?

_**''**__**Well in this life you must find something to live for**_  
_**Cause when the darkness comes a callin'**_  
_**You'll go back to where you were before**_  
_**Cause this life is as**_  
_**Fragile as a dream, and**_  
_**Nothing's ever really **_  
_**As it seems''**_

* Punch *

'' Wakey wakey! '' Hotch heard Lucas' voice. He smells this sharp smell. And he feels very dizzy.

'' What did you do to me? '' Hotch asked and Lucas just laughed.

'' Oh nothing. I just.. well I needed something to make you sleepy enough so I could move you back.'' he said and punched him to his side pretty hard. Hotch groaned in pain a little.

Lucas walked to the screen and put it on.

'' Hello my friends, how are you?'' he asked. '' Today we are going to…. '' he said but Hotch didn't listen it.

'' JJ?'' He whispered to her. She lifted her head and looked at him. '' Are you okay? '' He asked but knew already the answer. Of course she wasn't.

'' No. I just.. I just want to get out of here. '' she cried silently. '' And I feel cold and it hurts, everywhere. Weird isn't it. People think that I'm so strong that nothing can break me , but this..'' she said.

'' I know Jeyje. It's okay. There is nothing wrong about being … '' Hotch started but the punch interrupted him. Hotch didn't see it coming so it took all oxygen from his lungs.

'' No more words! '' Lucas shouted. JJ boggled. Hotch started cough blood a little and Lucas just laughed. '' Having fun already? Oh Hotch, why so dirty. You should be more… '' Lucas smiled and pulled Hotch's white t-shirt from his body. And it hurt, a lot , because that shirt was cling on his wounds and when Lucas pulled it he could feel how a few of the wounds started bleeding again.

'' What do you want? '' Emily asked.

'' A confession from him. '' Lucas turned on JJ. '' She confessed already. ''

A tear drop fell to her cheek when she turned to look at Hotch to see his reaction , but she didn't see it. He didn't look back at her.

She couldn't stop thinking how disappointed he was. She had let him down again.

'' Okay, so I want to show you something.'' Lucas said to the team and took a knife from his ankle. '' Sorry Hotchner, If you wouldn't be on handcuffs you could take it off by yourself , but I think it's more fun in this way.

He started cutting his shirt: First from sleeve to neckline and same from the other side and next from the neckline to down. The shirt fell down.

'' Wow. I'm so proud of myself now. I've cost so much damage to you. '' Lucas smirked. '' Just look at this. ''

All of his team members face were so concern.

'' Oh God Hotch! '' JJ gasped.

'' Jeyje. Listen to me. It's not as bad as it looks like. I promise. '' he said to her , but she didn't believe him. Some part of her wants to believe it and other part blames herself for those wounds. If she wouldn't 'confess' , he wouldn't have been this badly hurt.

'' Oh Hotch, you've been hiding something from all of us. Well almost. '' He says and smiles to JJ. '' I didn't even know how good shape you are. And I'm not talking about those wounds of yours. I'm talkin' about those muscles of yours. You are so… firm.'' He laughed. '' You are hiding all this under that suit. I mean just look at this. You have abs and your arms… JJ was really lucky to have you for awhile. She was lucky to feel these arms around her , hold her and lift her up. ''

" She _was _lucky?" Rossi questioned and were afraid of where this were going to.

'' Well, I will get him to confess and when I do, well. I kill them. Both. '' Lucas said with a very confidently.

They all looked paled and so scared.

'' Please, don't do it. '' Garcia cried.

" Oh I want to and I will do it." Lucas smiled and walked back to Hotch. '' So tell me , ( * punch to Hotch' chest* ) , are we having fun ( * another punch to his body ) yet? ''

'' You will never get me to confess something I didn't do. " Hotch said while gasping for breath.

'' Oh I will. One way or another. '' Lucas said and hit him again. This time the punch were so hard that they heard a little snap when he hit Hotch.

" Whoops. I think I broke something. " He said like it really was accident. Hotch groaned in pain. It was always getting worst.

Lucas walked to the screen and talked to the team.

'' Hotch. Can you promise me one thing? '' JJ whispered.

'' Of course, anything. " Hotch said to her.

'' Do not confess. No matter what happens. No matter he does to me , okay? Promise me.''

'' JJ.. '' Hotch started but JJ insist him to promise. Hotch sigh , but promised.

Lucas came back to them and he said something to the team , because they looked so scared.

'' Why didn't I invent this earlier. I should've know. '' Lucas talked to himself but talked that loud so they all heard it.

'' Invented what ? " Hotch asked.

'' That you have one weakness over everything else. ''

'' Yeah , what's that? " Hotch said and then it happened. Lucas cut the rope where JJ were hanging and JJ drop to the floor. He started dragging.

" No , don't do it! '' Hotch shouted.

'' No? Well, you know what? '' Lucas said and punched Hotch to his face so hard that Hotch's feet gave up. '' No one asked from you. '' He hit again. Everything went blurry , but he fought. He didn't give up. He didn't let himself go unconscious.

Lucas walked back to JJ who were lying on the floor. She were unconscious. She hit her head pretty badly to the floor.

He dragged her to another room and the door shut.

After awhile , the whole building they was filled with sound that made Emily, Rossi , Reid and Morgan quiet. This noise made Garcia cry and after that also Reid and Emily cried.

But Hotch didn't see it. Hotch didn't see it behind his blurry eyes. He cried.

They heard how Lucas' gun went off.


	19. Help is on their way

Chapter 19. Help is on their way

**_"_****_If I could give you one thing in life,_**  
**_I would give you ability to_**  
**_see yourself through my eyes._**  
**_Only that way you can realize_**  
**_how special you are to me."_**

" He .. He shot her! " Garcia slurred.

" Garcia, we don't know that yet. " Rossi said to her. He wanted to believe that too , but it was like fifty fifty.

'' Just, please , don't be dead , don't be dead. '' Emily cried and hugged Morgan. Morgan got flashback's. He's never seen Hotch cry but once. He remember how he had to pull Hotch off when he killed foyet.

He saw how Hotch walked to Haley when she were on the floor. How he went next to her and hugged her for the last time. And he cried.

And now this: he is hanging in rope , crying and heard how this Sick son of a Bitch shot his girlfriend. Probably. They don't know. He doesn't know. The only one who knows is Lucas.

Reid is in shock. He doesn't know what to do. What if he really shot his best friend. No, she is like a sister to him. She were always there for him. And now, if she is dead… No , he doesn't want to think about it.

" Garcia, c'mon. Find something. " Rossi said and Garcia wiped her tears away.

'' Okay, I'm ready. So what do I look? '' Garcia asked quietly.

'' So start from beginning. '' Rossi said and other came around her too.

'' Okay. So he born 25. October 1979 , his mom were Maryann Mayer and his father Eric Mayer and they Both died when Lucas were 7. Car accident. He went to foster care. And the foster parents abused him , but he graduated from the school with good grades. Went to police school and worked in bomb unit for 5 years. She had fiancé and.. Oh my god. " Garcia gasped.

'' What? What is it? '' Emily asked.

" She died. On one of his cases. He were working in case and that bomber who were their unsub, exploded their house and she died. After that Lucas quit his job and after that there is not any kind of register about him.'' Garcia continued.

'' Does he have someplace, anything , where he would take them? '' Morgan asked. '' Check his fathers name. ''

Garcia searched but didn't find anything.

'' Reid? What is it? '' Emily asked when Spencer looked out of the window.

'' Try his brothers name. He is talking so much about him to Hotch so I think there is something about him.'' Reid said and walked behind Garcia.

'' Okay, so Daniel Mayer. He owns house , but there is no else building. '' Garcia said. '' But he worked as a mechanic. And that workshop is still running so I don't he keeps them there. ''

'' What about his fiancé. Did she own anything? '' Morgan asked.

Garcia searched again and a moment later she found something. '' She didn't own anything , but she worked in this one company called Sandover Bridge and Iron. The business stopped few month ago and that building is empty. It's not been used after that.

'' Garcia , what's the location. '' Morgan asked. They all knew that they were there.

'' It's in Iowa. Mable Ave 198. '' Garcia shouted to the when they ran out of that door.

'' Just try to hang in there. Help is coming for you. '' Garcia said quietly. '' It's 10 hours away. Just don't give up Hotch. It's going to be okay. We'll get you out of there. ''

'' Are you coming or not!? '' Morgan shouted to Garcia and she ran out of the conference room to him and they started driving.

_**Sorry. This chapter is short , but I'm writting again tomorrow. And of course review. **_


	20. easy way , or easier way?

Chapter 20. Easy way , or easier way.

**_"I will never regret you_**  
**_ or say that I wish that_**  
**_ I've never met you._**  
**_ Because once upon a time you _**  
**_ were exactly what I needed_**  
**_ and you will always be_**  
**_ that one for me."_**

Lucas walked to Hotch. '' Need a minute? '' he asked but Hotch didn't answer just looked at him. '' I take that as a no. '' Lucas smiled. '' Okay, so we can do this in easy way , you confess , or easier way. '' Lucas takes the electrical machine again. '' And you still confess. And I would happily take the easier way. ''

'' Then there is two of us. You are not going to get me confess even in that way. But if it make you feel better then , go ahead. '' Hotch sarcastically.

'' Wanna bet? I'm in. '' He said and Hotch recognized anger from his voice.

'' Sure, why not. ''

'' You will regret this.'' Lucas said and put the machine on.

'' I'm sure I will. '' Hotch said and he heard these few words what made him to continue. Why he wanted Lucas to hurt him.

''Nothing bad can happen to me when Aaron Hotchner is with me.''

He heard this so clearly in his head. Where were he when she died. Where were she when she got hurt. Oh yeah, right next to her. And he couldn't do anything. He blames himself so badly, he just want to die , but he would get out too easily , so he want to suffer.

But there were this one thing what made him to change his mind. He promised to JJ that he wouldn't confess. He made a promise and that will stay. And Lucas won't kill him before his confession.

'' Okay, so let's start. '' Lucas said and touched Hotch's body with the sponge. Hotch groaned a little in pain.

And again. And again. And again.

But Hotch didn't give up.

Lucas asked after every electrical shock the same question: '' Do you want to confess now? ''. And every single time Hotch said no.

Tha pain he felt was almost unbearable. It was burning and that pain didn't feel only in that spot where he touched it, it felt in his whole body. In every muscle , in every bone he have ever owned. In every single one.

He did it once again , but the place were different. He placed it to his chest and that chock , it were two times worst than all those before. The pain were now in his lungs. He couldn't breath for few seconds. He tasted blood in his mouth.

'' Oh. Now I found it. That is a perfect place. '' He laughed when Hotch started cough blood.

He did it again. But now , Hotch couldn't breath at least in 10 seconds. The pain it got always worst and worst.

'' Confess? '' Lucas asked. Hotch couldn't say anything. His mouth were full of blood. And he spit it all to Lucas' face. For that he got a hard punch to his face.

'' What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you just confess, it'll be so much easier to you. You wouldn't have to suffer this much, I could shot your brains out and you wouldn't even feel it. ''

'' Because I made a promise. '' Hotch said weakly. He's head was bleeding.

'' Yeah? What kind of promise , and to who? '' Lucas said. He were interested truly.

'' To one person who I love more than life. '' Hotch said simply like it was the clearest thing ever.

'' To JJ? You really thought that she loves you back? Aww. Poor Aaron. One sided love is one of the saddest thing in whole world. '' Lucas said.

'' And you know what. I don't care if the love is one sided , I just want her to be happy. If she doesn't love me, I hope she would find someone to be happy with. But I will always love her from my whole heart. And I say one thing to you. You can never torture me as bad as I'm doing it to myself. You can never punish me as bad as I'm punishing myself. '' Hotch said and it hurts more than that torture think about her , and thinking her to be dead.

'' Is that so? Well , then there is this one thing you should know. She's dead. I still see her to struggle and begs me not to do it. And you know what. I didn't care. I shot her. Straight to her head. And I see still her eyes , how the light from them, burn out. '' Lucas said. And the whole building were filled of Lucas' laugh.


	21. You never told us that

Chapter 21. You never told us that

_**"**__**I can't lose you.**_  
_**Maybe a simple life is more than**_  
_** one way to go.**_  
_**Yeah, but then again,**_  
_**I'm mostly alone,**_  
_**'coz I'm losing everyone.**_  
_**But I know one thing. **_  
_**I know that I can't lose you.**_  
_**And maybe my time will come**_  
_**but I know I can't lose you.**_  
_**Brothers to the end."**_

'' Garcia, Can you hack him back, so we see what is happening there? Morgan asked while driving. '' That would be really helpful. ''

'' Hmm.. I can try. '' Garcia answered and started working. And she did it. They saw Lucas and Hotch , but Hotch and Lucas didn't hear them.

Hotch didn't know what to say. He wanted to cry , but didn't want to so it to Lucas.

'' I know how you feel. Believe me. I know. And you know what's better. Because you know now how I felt after you killed my brother, so it was my turn to kill someone you love. And like you said , I knew that you don't love nothing more than her. '' Lucas said and took his knife from his pocket.

'' I didn't kill your brother! '' Hotch shouted to him.

'' You don't get it do you?'' Lucas asked and slashed a little cut to Hotch arm. '' He were only family I got. You don't know what is it like to take care of your brother when your parents couldn't do it. '' Lucas said.

'' Oh you have no Idea. '' Hotch said quietly.

'' You mean that you had to take care of Sean? '' Lucas asked. He didn't expect anything like that.

'' Yeah. Protecting my little brother was like my job, and it still is. '' Hotch started.

'' What do you mean by that? '' Lucas questioned.

'' Our father hit us. Me and Sean. My mom didn't do anything to it so it was like my job to protect him. He was only 7 years old and I was 15. I were scared to go home after school. Every single day. But I did , just because of Sean, because of my little brother who admired me. And then I went to High school and I moved out, Sean came with me. We lived together and our mom send us money every month and our dad never find out. '' Hotch said and smiled a little bit. Moving away from home with Sean , was one of his best memories.

'' And always , at school when Sean was in trouble I were always standing on his side. Always. Once I saw how our school bully beat Sean so I just run between those two. I didn't hesitate , even a little. We fight with that guy. Well I got grounded , but it was totally worth it. Nobody did ever bully Sean after that. ''

'' Okay, then. What would you do if someone would kill Sean?'' Lucas asked. Hotch knew exactly where this conversation were going.

'' I would do anything I can to get the guy. And I would make him pay. '' Hotch said.

'' And what would you say to him. What would be your last words to him? '' Lucas asked and enjoyed. He got that one thing. It's easier torture people inside. They break easily than when you hurt them physically .

'' My last words to him… '' Hotch remembered this one dream he had. Sean lying down in hospital bed , in coma. And Hotch were sitting next to him and said this one thing before he died:

'' They gave me this one job. Only this one. And I screwed it up. I blew it. And I'm sorry for that. '' Hotch said quietly. Even thinking about losing Sean too it's more painful than any other. He just lost his girlfriend , a girl who he loved so much. And now, thinking about losing his brother.

Lucas went quiet.

'' So you now get it why I'm doing this. '' He finally said. He slashed another cut to Hotch's arm and it was double as deep as that first one. His heart rate accelerated. That wound bled pretty hard. He knew that he couldn't last very much longer.

'' No. I still don't get it. Because there is this one little difference. I would catch the right guy. You exploded that house, so you killed your brother. It wasn't our fault.'' Hotch tried to convince him. And that all was for nothing.

Lucas cut the rope where Hotch were hanging on and Hotch fell down the floor. And Lucas started kicking him. To his leg, to his chest, to his body.

'' Don't try to blame me about my brothers death. It wasn't my fault. If you wouldn't have showed up, he would be alive, and so would be JJ. '' Lucas said and squat down next to him. And slashed another cut to his wrist.

It bled and it bled, and in awhile it blurred in Hotch's eyes.

" Morgan, drive faster. We can't lose him too. He is dying. '' Prentiss said. And Morgan speeded up.

" Try to hold on Hotch. Just few minutes and we are there. " Morgan said and looked at Garcia. She were pale. " We will get him home in time."

Garcia nodded a tears in her eyes and Rossi started call the ambulance.


	22. I got you

Chapter 22. I got you

_**"**__**I miss you, I need you**_  
_**if you only knew the pain I feel**_  
_**when I'm not with you and I'm thinking**_  
_**you all day which never make the pain go away.**_  
_**The pain I have knowing that this might be **_  
_**my last day**_  
_**my last breath,**_  
_**that you might be my last kiss, my last love.**_  
_**The pain I feel , I hope you never have to feel it**_  
_**because the pain makes you not want to feel. "**_

'' Okay, so Morgan , Prentiss you go to the other side. Reid you're here with me. '' Rossi said and they nodded. Morgan and Prentiss walked to the other side.

'' Ready? One ,two, three… '' Rossi counted and they went in.

They started searching from everywhere.

'' Check that room.'' Reid said and pointed left.

'' In that video , they were higher. '' Morgan said. They walked two stairs up and came to that hollow were Hotch saved JJ from. Morgan and Prentiss were in other side of the hollow.

'' Check those room from there. '' Morgan signed to Rossi and Reid and went to check one other room with Emily.

*** Hotch ***

Hotch were barely awake. But everything were pretty blurry. It hurt and he felt how his arm were still bleeding pretty hard.

He's head was pretty messed up. He heard his fathers voice , Lucas' voice and JJ's laugh in his head. It was very contradictory. He heard his fathers shouting to him and he heard Lucas' talking. And those voices were awful noises. But then he also heard the most beautiful sound in his head. JJ's laugh.

He remember this one of the best memory he had it happened in Paris:

*** Paris ***

'' C'mon , slow down! '' Hotch shouted to JJ. They were on vacation in Paris. They were roller skating and JJ were few meters ahead.

" Come and get me! '' JJ laughed. In the park there were no one else, just them. But then , there were little stones on asphalt and JJ fell to the grass. Hotch went to her.

" You okay? " Hotch asked. JJ turned her back and laughed so hard. She was so happy. '' I take that as a yes." Hotch tried not to laugh , but it was impossible.

'' Be a gentle man , and help me up. " JJ said and reached her hand toward Hotch and Hotch tried to pull , but JJ had another plans. She wasn't coming up. No way. She was pulling Hotch on the ground with her. And she made it. Hotch fell down next to her and JJ went on top of him. '' You are getting clumsy. " she laughed.

" I am getting clumsy? You're sure it's not you who is. '' He smirked. JJ hit him lightly to his chest. '' Ouch! '' Hotch said playfully.

" Aaron. Wanna hear one secret? '' she asked.

" Sure. "

" I love you. " she whispered it to his ear.

He kissed her softly.

" What would I do without you. " He asked and he had absolutely no idea.

" Oh , well you would crash and Burn. " she said and put her hand to neck and leaned for a kiss. And that kiss.. she felt how love were burning in her chest.

*** Team ***

" Freeze! FBI! " Morgan shouted to Lucas.

" Well well well. It's Derek Morgan. Finally, it's so good to see you. '' Lucas said to him.

'' Keep your hand so I can see them. And don't move. '' Morgan walked closer to him and handcuffed him.

" Where are they? '' Rossi asked.

" Hmm.. that room was called.. bite me. " he answered sarcastically.

" Take him out. " Rossi said to Morgan. " Okay Prentiss , take left , Reid right, I go straight. '' Rossi instructions them and they are on their way.

*** Prentiss ***

" Hotch! Hotch! " She shouted. She tried to keep calm. What if he finds him dead. There were two doors. She opened other and she saw Hotch on floor.

" I found Hotch! Reid! Come here. I need some help. '' Prentiss said to her ear-bud's mic.

" I got you. Shh.. Don't try to move. You've lost a lot of blood. Just hold still. '' She said as calmly as she could and took her jacket so she could stop the bleeding.

" Emily? " he whispered quietly. He were really weak.

'' Yeah. Hotch, it's me. Shh. just try to hold on. Reid, c'mon we have to carry him away from here. " She said to him when he ran to them.

Prentiss went to Hotch's other side and Reid to another side and they put his arm around their shoulder and neck. And after that they started carrying him out.

" Rossi? " Prentiss asked.

'' Yeah. Still here. No sign of JJ. '' she hear His sad voice from her ear-bud.

'' Keep looking okay. '' Reid said.

'' Of course. Just get Hotch out. ''

The way out felt like it will take thousand years to get out. But when they finally were out they saw paramedics ran to them with stretchers and Prentiss and Reid lifted him on them.

'' Agent Hotchner, can you hear me? '' one of the paramedics asked and Hotch opened a little his eyes. It was awful to watch him. He was so pale and weak. Sometimes at work it felt like Hotch is like immortal.

" I found her! '' They all heard it from their ear-bud's. It was Rossi. He ran to her. And it was few seconds quiet and they waited him to say something.

Rossi's voice were relieved. " She is alive. But unconscious. Lost a lot of blood , but alive. Send the paramedics! "


	23. It'll be okay

Chapter 23. It'll be okay

_**" **__**What is love?**_  
_**It's not about "It's your fault", but sorry**_  
_**Not " Where are you" but " I'm right here for you."**_  
_**Not "How could you", but " I understand "**_  
_**Not " I wish you were " but I'm thankful you are "**_

'' David? '' JJ whispered quietly. She were in pain, and she's never been this happy to see him.

'' Shh.. it's me. Just try to hold on. Medics are almost here. '' Rossi said softly and too his jacket of and tried to stop bleeding. Lucas was shot her to her side and there were a lot of her blood on the floor. '' Hey! JJ! C'mon open your eyes. Try to stay awake. '' Rossi said when her eyes were closing.

'' Rossi, I can't. It's … '' she said tiredly.

" I know you can, just two minutes okay. Paramedics are almost here. " Rossi tried but her eyes still closed slowly. " JJ can you heard me? " Rossi were worried. JJ squeezed his hand. " Okay , just keep squeezing. It'll be okay. " Rossi said and then the door opened. Paramedics ran in.

" Okay, agent Jareu, can you here me? Just try to hang in there, you'll be okay. " They started and Rossi had to move further so he wouldn't be on their way.

They worked fast and they lift her to the scratchers and ran out, and Rossi went after them.

" JJ! " Garcia shouted and ran to her. " I go with her! " she shouted to Morgan and climbed to the ambulance right after them.

" Is Hotch conscious? " Rossi asked from his medics.

" Short periods at a time. " They said. " If you're coming, we have to go now. "

" Go, we meet you at there. " Morgan said to him and Rossi nodded and went in.

So they left to hospital.

'' Aaron? Can you hear me ? " Rossi asked. He were weak but he opened his eyes and looked at him.

" Dave? " He asked.

" It's me. It's so damn good to see you. " Rossi smiled a little.

" Yeah. You too. " he said quietly and then this one thing made his heart rate to speed up. " JJ ? "

" Easy! She's in the other ambulance. And she is alive. " He said and that look in Hotch's face was something that no one can fake. From that face , he really knew how much he loved her. And after what he's been through , Rossi's never felt happier. Two of his best friends has been through a hell and they are still alive. And they will someday be okay. And they get to be happy together.

Hotch went unconscious .

When they finally got to the hospital they took Hotch away and Rossi went to the waiting room. Garcia were there too and when she saw him she ran to hug him.

" They are going to be okay right ? " she asked.

" Don't worry. They will." Rossi smiled to her.

" How's Hotch? " Garcia worried.

" Pretty bad. He almost bled out so. Also a little breathing troubles. " he said. " And I can say one thing for sure. JJ is one of the luckiest girl from the whole world. She has this one guy who loves her more than his own life. "

" What are they doing to him now? " Garcia sat down next to Rossi.

" Well , they are giving him some painkillers and something how he will sleep one whole day. His body need rest so much now so… " Rossi explained. Garcia leaned on Rossi's shoulder .

" We'll get through this right? "

" We will. Like we always do. They will get through this, they just need time and they both know that they aren't alone. And they will get to be happy. "

" For sure? " she raised her head and looked at him. He smiled.

" For sure. "

**Sorry, this chapter is little short. So , what do you think? Reviews are always welcome.**


	24. The Family is whole again

Chapter 24. Family is whole again.

_**" **__**Turn around. I am here.**_  
_**If you want it's me you'll see.**_  
_**Doesn't count, far or near.**_  
_**I can hold you when you reach for me. "**_

" Hey guys! " Morgan shouted when he saw Rossi and Garcia on waiting room. Prentiss and Reid came after him

" Any news about them? " Emily asked.

" It's not looking good. JJ lost a lot of blood and so did Hotch. " Garcia said quietly. They sat there too and they waited. The time felt like year , but then the doctor came.

" I have some new for you. Agent Hotchner will be okay. We lost a lot of blood and if he would have been here minute later, he would haven't survive , so he were lucky. We are keeping him asleep this day. He will wake up tomorrow morning. He need rest now, but you can see him if you want to. He's on ICU room 596." he said and he saw that reliefe on their faces.

" Anything about Jennifer? " Reid asked.

" No not yet. I'm sorry. " Doctor said and walked away.

" I think I go to see Hotch, anyone want to come with me? " Rossi looked at his team members.

" I come with you. " Morgan and Garcia said.

" Okay, so Emily , Reid , you stay here? If something happens? " Rossi asked and they nodded.

Then they leaved.

They walked to the ICU and tried to find room 596.

" Oh god. " Garcia gasped when they found it. They didn't went in. They just looked in through the window.

"He looks so calm. So peaceful. " Morgan said and put his hands to Garcia's shoulders. Hotch slept deeply. He has never seen his boss as calm as he was now. He had the hospital clothes and coverage on him but there was this little thing what made him feel bad. Hotch had this bandage on his forehead and he had cuts and bruises, well, almost everywhere. And on his arms there were these gauzes. And they were bloody.

" And I can say for sure one thing. Inside he is not that calm and Peaceful. He is total opposite. He is total mess. He thought for almost two days that a woman he loves is dead. And I'm pretty damn sure that he can't handle that thing twice. Not same way as he lost Haley, he almost lost JJ too. " Rossi said sadly. It was terrifying to see his best friend lying in ICU on half coma.

" But he is going to be okay right? " Garcia were really worried about him.

" He will, if JJ will be. " Morgan said.

" Okay, I should believe you. I just can't imagine what he would do to himself if he looses Jeyje now. " Garcia felt like crying.

Derek pull her to hug and let her cry. He knew exactly how she felt right now.

" Hey, baby girl, we will get through this. " Morgan whispered to her ear.

" I know. " She withdrew from the hug and wiped her tears from her eyes. " I go back , to Emily and Reid, okay? "

Morgan nodded and watched her to walk away.

" What happened with Lucas? " Rossi asked when Garcia were away.

" We have a problem. He refuse to talk anyone else than Hotch or JJ. " Morgan answered.

" That's exactly what I was scared of. I didn't want to talk about this when Pen where here. " Rossi turned back to window.

" Do you think that he can do that? Without killing him? After what he put him go through? " Morgan questioned.

" I think he has no other choice. I'm afraid that it's not his choice to make. " Rossi said. " But hey. We should get back too. "

Morgan nodded and they went to others.

" Jennifer Jareau's friends? " One doctor came to them.

" Yeah? " they got up.

" The bullet went straight through and the bleeding was hard, but we made it stop."

" What are you saying? " Emily asked.

" She will be healed completely. And she is ready to walk out of here in week. She is resting now, you can see her in the morning. Room 412 second floor. " he smiled to them.

" Thank you. " They said and went upstairs.

_**So what do you think? Leave a review , I appreciate it. **_


	25. I thought that I would never see you aga

Chapter 25. I thought I would never see you again.

_**" **__**You know that I care for you**_  
_**I'll always be here for you,**_  
_**I promise I will stay right here. "**_

" Okay guys. Nothing new is gonna happen before tomorrow morning, so just , go home and try to get some sleep. Please. " Rossi said to them. They all looked so exhausted. " Please."

" You're right. " Emily said. And they all nodded.

" Few hours sleep wouldn't hurt , right? " Morgan said and yawned.

" Well, few hours would actually hurt , because your brain … " Reid started but the looks he got made him stop. " Rossi's right. We should get some sleep. " he smiled.

" Okay. C'mon. Go home. See you tomorrow morning. " Rossi said. So they go and try to sleep a little.

*** Next Morning ***

" Morning. " Garcia said to Reid when he walked in.

" Morning. You're already here. " he answered.

" Yeah, I couldn't sleep much. " Garcia tried to smile. And she knew that she wasn't only one.

Others came too. They looked happier , but also concern.

They talked awhile about last night , but the doctor interrupted them:

" She is waking up. " he said.

" What about Aaron? When is he going to wake up? " Rossi asked.

" Soon. We stopped the medication so he is waking up soon. " he walked away, and the team went to see JJ.

" Jayje! " Garcia ran to her room and straight next to her. She were awake. Garcia gave her a kiss to her cheek. " Are you okay? "

" I will be. " She said weakly. " No tears. Please. If I start crying , my stitches would open. " she tried to smile.

" How are you feeling? " Reid asked.

" Tired, stupid and pain. But okay for these circumstances. "

" We thought that.. " Emily's voice broke.

" I know. But I'm not. Thanks to you. " She gave her encouraging smile. " And he made me watch. He made me watch how he talked to Hotch , how he tortured him, how he cut his wri.. " she said but stopped. " Where's Hotch? Is he okay? Just please don't say that.. "

" JJ, calm down. He is going to be okay. He is still sleeping. " Rossi said.

" Thank god. I saw how he cried , how Lucas made him think that I were dead. And I saw his reaction. " JJ continued.

" You are really lucky, you know that right. To have a guy like Hotch. He really loves you. More than anything. " Morgan said to her. She really were.

" So you know. Is it okay with you? " she asked , and she wasn't sure what to think. This all was going too fast.

" Jeyje. Listen to me. It's totally okay. And our opinion doesn't matter. We can see it in your eyes. The way you look each other, it's something that no one can explain. The way you talk. If you love each other , then you do. Period. " Garcia sat next to JJ and put her hand on top of JJ's. " And I'm sure that I speak for all of us. Right guys? " she turned to look to her team members. And they all nodded.

That meant lot to her. " Thank you. " she said sadly. But there were this one though on her mind, but she didn't say anything to them.

" What if he doesn't love me anymore. I've let him down so many times. I've disappointed him. I made him suffer. " she thought.

" Could you give me another pillow, this is hurting pretty badly. I have to sit more straight. " she asked and Morgan put another pillow behind her back.

" Here you go. Better? " he asked.

" Yeah, thank you. " she smiled a little.

" Knock knock knock." someone knocked to her room's door. And that someone was Hotch. He leaned to the door and looked at them tiredly.

" Is there a room for one more? " he asked softly. He sounded weak , but JJ's never been this happy to see him. Never. He were alive , he could walk and talk. He were pale well, he almost were white as paper. He were in pain , but he didn't care. He were so happy to see her. She really were alive. He thought that he were dreaming about her being alive, but he wasn't. And now he got proves about it too.

" Always. " JJ answered and Hotch walked in slowly.

**Second chapter in same day. Wohoo ! So as always, review and let me know what do you thing about this chapter. I always ****appreciate it. **


	26. If you need to fall apart

Chapter 26. If you need to fall apart

**_" _****_A person who truly loves you_**  
**_is someone who sees the pain_**  
**_in your eyes,_**  
**_while everyone else believes in the _**  
**_smile on your face. "_**

Garcia walked towards him and hugged him. Hotch smiled , it was so good to see her. It was so good to see them all.

" How are you feeling? " Rossi asked after Garcia backed off from the hug.

" I will be okay, I ques. Feeling little weak and tired still and It hurts, well , everywhere. But I will be okay with some time. " He said. The breathing was hard still , but he didn't want to make then worry about him.

" Are you sure? " JJ asked and smiled. She knew exactly what he was going to answer. And she were right.

" If I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about me right now. " he smirked. She smiled too.

" I think we should leave you two alone. I'm pretty sure that you have a lot to talk about. " Morgan said and Hotch nodded gratefully. So they left the room.

Hotch walked next to JJ's bed and looked at her.

" How are you? " Hotch asked quietly. He didn't know anything else what to say. He's never been speechless before. He just had absolutely nothing to say. It was just enough to see her there. Just to hear her breathing. He didn't want to say anything , because he were afraid that she were just a dream.

She smiled. " I think I will be okay. I just.. "

" I know. Believe me, I know. "

They just looked each other, They didn't need words. They knew. They knew how much it hurts , how much pain one man can cost. How much it meant to them to be together.

" Hotch.. I'm sor.. " but Hotch quieted her by pressing his finger to her lips.

" Don't. You don't have to. " He said.

" No , Aaron, I do. Just… " she said and took deep breath before continuing. " Don't say anything before I'm ended, okay? And Aaron , you're wrong. I really should apologize. I really should. I've been thinking. There is so many times why I should apologize. I do mistakes all the time. And I "confessed" to him because I though that he would let you go. And I were wrong again. He just kept torturing you. And you didn't "confess". No matter what happened. And I understand if you don't love me anymore after all what …" she got stopped. Hotch kissed her.

She felt how his hand went slowly to her neck and to her jaw line. She welt his soft lips against her own and the all pain disappeared. She felt how this warmth went straight through her body. It felt so perfect. She missed that feeling.

" I said don't interrupt me until I'm finished. " she said.

" No, you didn't say that. You said that I don't say anything until you were finished. And I didn't say anything. I just didn't let you finish. " he teased and JJ tried to be mad at him , but it was impossible.

" You are mean , and I hope you know it too. " JJ smiled.

" Oh, I know. And I'm pretty proud of it sometimes. " he said. " And hey , JJ, listen to me. " He went serious. " You don't have to apologize anything. You hear me? "

" Yes, I do. I've cost you so much troubles and I've let you down so many times. " JJ said.

" JJ, you've never let me down. And you never will. And there is this one thing you should know. I didn't "confess " to him , because I he could torture me , he had less time to torture you. But when you made me promise not to 'confess ' and next thing I hear is him shooting you. And it was all my fault. I thought that you were dead one whole day and little more. And I can't even describe the pain I felt then. " Hotch were quiet for few seconds and she noticed how badly it hurt him to think that.

" And I kept my promise , but you have no idea how badly I wanted to say that I killed him , so he could kill me too. But that would've been too easy. It was my fault that you got shot. I wanted to suffer. I deserved it. " He continued and it was JJ's turn to shut his mouth.

" You shouldn't think that way. It wasn't your fault. Just , please , believe me. There were nothing you could've done. And there is this one little thing. You are in worse shape than I am. And you still came here to see me. " She smiled and put her hand above his.

He leaned closer her an kissed her slowly and softly. It felt so wark, so safe. Like nothing could hurt them when they are together. Not anymore.

" You should get some rest. " he said quietly. She nodded. He took her other pillow behind her back and helped her to lay down.

" Aaron. " she said tiredly.

" Yeah? "

" Can you come back later? " she asked and she looked like her eyes couldn't stay open much longer.

" Nothing could keep me away. " he smiled. " Try to sleep a little. I see you when you wake up. And JJ. You know that I love you, right. And there is nothing what could ever change that. "

" I love you too. " she whispered. She put her head to her pillow and closes her eyes. She felt save. First time for a few days. She felt warmth , she felt loved. " It'll be okay. " she hears Hotch's voice from somewhere far. And she knew that he were right. Well, he always were.

He left the room , but stayed behind the glass for awhile. Looked at her when she fell asleep. She looked so calm, so happy. So beautiful. He wont let anyone to hurt her ever again.


	27. Don't Worry

Chapter 27. Don't worry

**_"_****_My heart's beating faster, I know what I'm after._**  
**_I've been standing here my whole life,_**  
**_Everything I've seen twice, now it's time I realize_**  
**_It's spinning back around now, on this road I'm crawling_**  
**_Save me cause I'm falling, now I can't seem to breathe right _**  
**_Running from my heart."_**

Hotch walked to his room after awhile. He felt like a zombie. He just walked , but didn't even realize that he were walking. He were drowning to his own thoughts.

He sat to his bed and just kept thinking. There were so man thing on his mind in the moment. That feeling was awful. Thinking gave him this huge headache and it felt like his head would explode in any second.

And there were also this one bad thing. The painkillers effect was deteriorating in every second and the pain were unbearable in half a minute.

" Hotch? " Morgan asked. Hotch winced the voice. He didn't hear him coming. " You okay? "

" Morgan? How long have you been standing there? " Hotch asked and the pain only got worse.

" Not long. Minute, maybe two. And don't try to say that you're okay. What's wrong? " He walked towards Hotch.

" Pain is getting unbearable. But don't worry. I'll be fine. " Hotch explained. Morgan looked really concern.

" You have any medicines for that? " He asked.

Hotch nodded and pointed to his nightstand.

" I get you some water. " He said , too Hotch's glass and went to the bathroom. Hotch took one pill , but it to his mouth and drunk a little water.

" Are you sure that you are okay? " Morgan asked.

" Morgan , please, stop. I'm fine. Promise. " Hotch said but that was a huge lie. He were far from okay. He got up. " Is JJ awake yet? " Hotch said and walked out of his room and Morgan came after him.

" No I don't think s… " Morgan started but this scream stopped him. They ran toward the voice. It' came from JJ's room. Hotch and Morgan , both ran to her. When Hotch ran , the pain were so overwhelming that his leg almost gave up. But he kept running.

Hotch went to her room , but Morgan didn't came after him.

JJ were asleep , so Hotch woke her up. She woke up she looked so scared.

" Shh. It was just a dream. " He said and sat next to her. She leaned closer to him and he wrapped his arms around her. She cried , but she gelt safe. She felt his heat next to her body and she felt how he held his arm on her back and other hand on back of her head.

He just sat there, didn't do anything. Just let her cry.

" What was it about? " he whispered to her ear.

She wiped her tears away and lifted her head a little. She looked in to his brown eyes. She tried to smile a little. " It was nothing. " She tried.

" Hah. And how I'm not going to believe that? You were screaming pretty hard." he said.

" Did I scream? Really?" she asked and Hotch nodded. " Why I didn't wake up then? "

" It about that medication of yours. And you avoided my question. What was that dream about? " Hotch questioned.

She took a deep before started. " I saw Lucas. And he… " she didn't want to think it anymore. It hurted too much.

" He what? "

" He… he killed you with that electric thing. " she whispered and tears started falling again. But he saved them from dropping down.

He put his hand under her chin and put his thumb to her mouth and whispered: " I'm not going anywhere. "

She smiled. " You're sure? " Hotch smiled back.

" More than that. "

" You know what. I love you. " she said quietly.

" I love you too , my highness. "

JJ couldn't stop laughing. He really knew how to cheer someone up.

" Citizen ,You shouldn't be here you know. You should be resting too. " JJ smirked.

" I know, but there were this thing I want to do before I go. " he said. He saw her smile. The brightest sun there were.

" Yeah , what's th.. " she got stopped. He kissed her. It was warm and soft kiss , and the timing were perfect, as always.

" Always surprising me , citizen. "

" Always my pleasure. " he smirked and bows to her. She laughed.

" C'mon , Hotch. Go. You need rest. "

" Fine. I see you in the morning. " he smiled to her. She nodded. Hotch walked away.

He walked to his room and he noticed that the pain weren't that bad anymore. Those painkillers worked. He went to bed and he fell asleep almost immediately.

_**Okay, So I finally got this chapter done. I've had so much to do , so I'm sorry. I hope you liked it. Just review , I'll appreciate it. I will update as fast as possible.**_


	28. First Night together

Chapter 28. First night together

_**" **__**Being able to wait is a **_  
_**sign of true love and patience.**_  
_**Anyone can say **_**I LOVE YOU**  
_**but not everyone can wait **_  
_**and prove it's true. "**_

" Rose Finnick to room 596 immediately. I repeat. Rose Finnick to room 596 immediately. " The heard this from the monitors.

" Isn't that.. " JJ asked but Rossi were already gone. JJ tried to get up , but Morgan stopped her.

" JJ , no . Don't do this. " he said and tried to calm her down.

" No! Morgan! That's Hotch's room. Something's not right. I have to. Derek, please. " she whispered.

He couldn't say no. He knew how she felt. He were quiet , but sigh and helps her up. They walked towards Hotch room when Rossi came to them. He were pale.

" What is it? " Reid asked.

" Hurry. Something is happened. Hotch's not breathing. " He said and turned around and ran. They all went after him. When they got to the room , there were something what made JJ panic. There were 4 doctors around his bed and they had this defibrillator.

Hotch weren't breathing. He were dying.

" Charge it to 150! Clear! " One of the doctors said.

He felt how this electric went straight throw his body.

" Nothing. Charge it to 200. "

He found himself from place he knew well. It was JJ's home. He remembered this moment clearly.

" Would you like to come in? " JJ asked. They had rough week behind and Hotch took JJ out to get some fresh air. They got this weekend off.

" Sure. " He smiled. She looked so good in her blue dress. Her hair were lifted up. She were just too beautiful.

He went in, and he felt her warm hand on his. She looked at him. He lifted his hand to her jaw line and kissed her, passionately. And she kissed back. She started open Hotch's black shirts buttons. She pull away from the kiss slowly. She catches his hand and moves backwards until they comes to the bedroom.

He pulled her closer to him self and kissed her deeply, and took his hand behind her and opened zip of her dress. It slipped down lightly. JJ took his shirt off while Hotch pushed her gently to bed.

She felt his heat , his body we so warm against hers.

He kissed her playfully. First from her lips, then to her jawline and then to her neck. He took his hand to her waist slowly.

* Next Morning *

Hotch woke up before she did. Her head were on his chest. She breathed slowly, and she looked so happy. He didn't want to wake her up. He just wanted to lay in here , he just wanted to stay here the rest of the day. He just wanted to listen her brething , he just wanted to look at her. She looked so calm, so happy, so beautiful.

But then his phone started ringing. It was Morgan.

" Hey, you're up. Wow. " he laughed. " But hey, have plans for today? One school asked to give a presentation about BAU , so can you come? "

" No , I don't think so. I have plans already. " he whispered. He didn't want to wake her up.

" What kind of plans? No .. wait. Do you mean that.. you have company? That's my boy. " he laughed.

Hotch smiled too. Sometimes he really hated profilers.

" Bye Morgan. " Hotch smirked and hangs up. He puts his phone to the table.

He looked at JJ who were still sleeping. He smiled and wiped away the hair away from her face.

Few moments later she woke up. She lifted her head and looked at him and smiled.

" Morning. " she said tiredly.

" Morning. " he smiled.

He felt how this electric went through his body again , and the dream went away.

His heart started beating again, and he started breathing again.

Doctors and his team gasped for relief.

He were alive. It was really close that they lost him , but he is alive. And Going to be okay. They are going to make it sure.

**I finally made this chapter. Yay ! So review, as always so I know what you think about it. And I try to write new chapter as fast as I can. **


	29. It does get better , hotch

Chapter 29. It does get better, Hotch

_**" **__**One of the best moments**_  
_**in the whole world is**_  
_**when you hug someone you love **_  
_**and he hugs you back**_  
_**even tighter. "**_

" What the hell happened? " JJ asked from the doctor who walked to them. She were really concern. They all were.

" Allergic reaction. He were allergic to this one medicine and we didn't about it. He had some breathing issues and , well. You know the rest. " He said. " He will be okay, but needs rest now.

" Can I stay here? " JJ asked quietly. She looked at Hotch. She just wanted to go there and hug him. She felt bad. He were always there for her, and now it was her turn to be there for him.

" Of course. " Doctor nodded.

" JJ. Do you need us here right now? We have to go back at the BAU, try to talk with Lucas. " Morgan said.

" Yeah , yeah… go. " JJ said but were drowned to her own thoughts. She walked to his room and sat to the side of his bed. He looked calm. So peaceful.

Team looked at her a moment , when she sat on side of Hotch's bed. They really meant to be, there were no doubts about it.

She remembered this moment like yesterday. It were so clear , and she felt so bad while talking with Hotch at the moment.

" Hey . " he walked to her. She were pouring some coffee to herself.

" Coffee ? " she smiled and lift the can.

" Yeah. " He smiled weakly. " JJ, I just wanted to say, Thank you. " she turned to look at him. " If you hadn't push that much, we've never gone. "

JJ put the coffee can down and sigh.

" Hotch.. " she starts , but Hotch didn't let her continue.

" _Jeyje,_ you don't have to. " he said quietly.

She held this necklace on her hand. " My sister gave this to me when I was 11. She just came to my bedroom one afternoon and said that no matter happened, she loved me . " It really hurt to tell him that, but he needed to know it. She's never told any other members of the team that , what se was going to tell him.

" I told her that I can't take it , but she insisted. I , of course, were secretly very happy. Because I've wanted one, exactly like hers. " Then she stopped. She tried not to cry. Hotch looked at her , and he knew.

" It was a last time I.. "

" I'm sorry _Jayje_. "

She smiled a little and said something what made Hotch think.

" I think about her every day. " she lifted her head a little and looked at him. She looked at his sad, brown eyes. " It does get better Hotch. " she said, and a tear drop fell to her cheek.

Hotch put his head down. He knew how she felt. Exactly.

" Losing someone is never easy, but one day , you'll remember her and it wont hurt. You can be happy. " she tried to stay strong , but those last words came out like a silent whisper.

" Thank you . " Hotch said quietly and wiped the tear drop from her cheek. " Thank you. For everything. "

She nodded a little and walked away. She left him alone. She just wanted to hug him and never let go. He didn't deserve this. Not after all what he's gone through.

She remembered that moment so well. She will never forget it.

She leaned a little closer and whispered to his ear.

" I love you. " and she really meant it.

**Hey guys. I know , i know. This chapter is little short. But I try to write a new chapter as fast as I can. But like always, reviewe, and tell me what do you think. I really appreciate it. **


	30. Love you the way you are

Chapter 30. Love you the way you are

_**" **__**I might not be someone's first choice**_  
_**but I'm a great choice.**_  
_**I might not be rich but I'm valuable**_  
_**I don't pretend to someone I'm not, **_  
_**because I'm good at being me.**_  
_**I might not be proud of some of the things I've done**_  
_**but I'm proud of who I am now. **_  
_**I'm not perfect , but I don't have to be.**_  
_**Take me as I am , because I will always take you as you are, **_  
_**and I will always be there for you. "**_

" Hey. " Hotch said quietly. JJ got scared of that, but quickly smiled to him a little. She were happy to see him awake.

" Hey. How are you feeling? " she asked and helped Hotch sit.

" Me? I'm okay I ques. A little confused. What happened? " He looked around him. But saw just JJ, One of the most beautiful thing he knew.

" Well, you … you literally… " she panicked.

Hotch put his hand on top of hers and another to her jaw. And he lifted her head a little up.

" Hey, calm down. " he smiled to her encouragingly. She took a deep breath before continuing.

" I'm just so happy to see you. " She whispered.

" JJ, what happened? " he asked again softly , because he saw how much it hurt her to think about it.

" You… you died. " she finally got said. " Allergic reaction. And you.. your heart stopped. "

" Hey, Jeyje, listen to me. It's okay, I'm okay now. "

JJ nodded and hugged him. She felt how he kissed her to her forehead, she felt his warm, strong arms around her.

" Hotch. " she pulls out from the hug. " Can I as you something? "

" Of course, anything. You know it. " he answers and looks at her.

" I've been thinking this awhile. But, why are you with me? I mean , there is so many others and you choose me. Why? I mean , I've let you down so many times and I'm not beautiful , I'm not perfect and I'm not … "

Hotch put his thumb to her mouth and that stopped her from speaking.

" I thought we talked about this. "

" I know , but I still feel bad about it. " she looked into his sad brown eyes.

" Jennifer Caroline Jareau, listen to me. You shouldn't feel bad for anything. If you feel bad, then also I start feeling bad. " he says. She smiles a little , because he is only one from her team who knows her whole name.

" Why am I with you? So many others? Let them be. There is one little thing what they aren't. They are not you. And you shouldn't be worrying about me. There is like million other guys who are ready to get you. " he teased a little.

" And JJ , you have never let me down. I heard that thing you said there. I heard it. But I were barely conscious so I couldn't answer to you. I heard why you did it, and I'm proud of you. You hear me? I'm proud of you. You did it so you could protect me. "

She cried. She never thought about it like that.

" You're sure? JJ asked like she didn't believe what she just heard.

" I'm as sure as anyone can be. And what do you mean that you're not perfect? You are perfect. Just believe me when I say this. You are perfect and the most beautiful woman I've ever met. " he smiled to her and kissed her quickly.

She were happy, happier than she's been for awhile. She were there with him and she felt safe , she felt like there were nothing wrong with her.

" Oh yeah. JJ. I think you should get this back. " Hotch said and got something from his night tables drawer. It was this little golden necklace what were ripped off of her neck when Lucas attacked her. Same necklace what Morgan gave to Hotch when they were at her apartment.

She looked at it. It was one of the most important object she had. Golden , heart shaped necklace from her boyfriend. He gave it to her on their first Valentines day together.

She couldn't stop smiling.

" Thank you. " she whispered and kissed him. He always knew how to make someone happy.

~ Two , long , but nice days later. ~

Hotch and JJ are getting better , finally. They were talking in JJ's room. They sat on her bed when the doctor came in.

" Hey. How are you two feeling today? " he said.

" Pretty good. A little headache still ,but good. " Hotch said

" Good. But hey , now I need you to listen carefully. "

" Okay. What's up doc ? " she asked.

" I have good and bad news for you. " he said and JJ went pale.

**Yay! I got it done.. Wohoo. So now. Tell me what do you think about it. I'm really grateful for those reviews I've got, keep them coming. **


	31. Finally out of here

Chapter 31. Finally out of here

"Nothing is nicer than having someone who  
Appreciates you in the smallest things,  
Accepts you in times of hardships.  
Comforts you when you're troubled.  
Loves you no matter what and  
is simply happy for having you in their life. "

" What kind of bad news? " JJ asks. " What is going on ?"

" You can go home today. Both of you. " He says.

" And that's bad news how? " Hotch asks.

" I weren't done. " he says and turns back to JJ. " We have to give you this one medicine , but there is this one side effect. You might have some hallucinations. It's not sure and we have no idea how bad they will be. " He tells.

" You're saying that this medication will be bad to her. They why the hell are you giving those to her? " Hotch shouts to him.

" Aaron, stop it.. It's okay. " JJ said to him.

" No , JJ. It's not okay. They are giving you medicine what make you feel bad. And you think I can allow that. " Hotch said.

" No. We aren't sure if it brigs you hallucination , and we have no other choice. There is noo other medication we could give to her. I'm sorry , but we don't have anything. " Doctor explains and Hotch goes quiet.

He understands it , he does. They don't want to hurt her , and they have no other choice. But he just don't want JJ to get hurt. He would do anything to make her feel better.

" Are you absolutely sure, there's nothing? " Hotch asks calmer.

" Yes, we are sure. " He says.

" So , can we go now? " JJ asks. She just want to go home. She just wants to forget all this.

" Yes. But , no matter what happens , you have to take these. You have to promise it. " The Doctor says and JJ promises it.

" Hotch, thank you. " JJ turns to him when they are walking out of the hospital.

" About? " he didn't understand.

" About being always there for me when I needed you most. About those conversations we had, and I'm starting to believe in it. And about defending me back there. And .. and.. just being … being you. I can't ask anything else. I really appreciate it. "

Hotch smiled to her. " Well, you know me. " He says and JJ laughs a little. " And there is this one little thing. You are not going to get rid of me that easily. " he teases and kisses her to her cheek.

She laughs and she feels good. She feels lucky to have a guy like Hotch with her.

" You're sure? Because I can be pain in the ass sometimes. Well you know me. " she imitates him and she made him laugh.

" Yeah, I know you. And that is why I love you. And you know it. "

" How are we going to go home? We don't have a car or anything." she asks confusedly.

" Wrong. We do have a car. " he lifts a car keys. " Morgan brought me a car. "

" That isn't your car. Where's your car? " she asks when they came to car.

Hotch looks that car. It's one car from work. " My car? On scrap yard. It exploded, remember? " he said. He actually misses it a little. It were pretty important to him. It was this beautiful Black Pontiac Firebird 73' Trans am . He were proud of it , and then that one bastard came and exploded it.

" Oh yeah. Sorry. Well , it's finally in the place where it should be. " she teased.

" Ouch. You know I liked that car. " he laughed. He took his hand slowly to her hand. Everything were going back to normal. He knew it.

He walked to the door and opened it to her.

" After you , my Highness. "

She had to smile. She were forgot that already. But she loved it.

" Such an gentleman. " she smiled and gave him quick kiss and went in.

" Anything for you. " he said and closed the door. He walked other side and went in.

" We'll get through this , right? " she looked at him. Her eyes were sparkling.

" We will. No matter what happened, you're not alone. I'm always here for you. " he answered to her.

" I know. Thank you. " she said. She were grateful for all what he's done for her.

Hotch gave her a little smile and started the car and they drove away.

**Like always , review and let me know what do you think about this. I really appreciate it. And don't worry. I'm not going to stop yet. There is coming at least 4 chapters. I really enjoy writing this and I hope you enjoy too. **


	32. I though we were friends

Chapter 32. I thought we were friends

_**" **__**Making a million friends **_  
_**isn't a miracle.**_  
_**The miracle is to make friend**_  
_**who stands by your side **_  
_**when millions are against you. "**_

Hotch's phone started ringing.

" Hotchner. " he answered.

" Hey , Hotch it's me , Morgan. Where are you? " he asked.

" At the car with JJ. Driving home. " Hotch said and watched JJ. She had this asking look on her face.

" Good. Can you drive here? We are at the JJ's apartment. Okay bye!" Morgan said fast and hang up so Hotch didn't have time to ask why.

He put his phone down and kept driving.

" Who was it? " JJ asked.

" Derek. He wanted us to go to your apartment. I don't know why. "

" Weird. " JJ said and smiled a little. But she were pretty worried.

It just make the a cold shiver flow in her spine. She can't stop thinking about it when Lucas attacked on her when she came home. She can't stop thinking about that pain she went through. When he pushed violently against the front door. She kicked him and got few meters away , but he pushed her and she fell down to the glass table. And she remembers the pain when he punched her to her face with heavy book.

Hotch noticed that she went pale , so he put his and on top of hers and looked at her.

" _Jeyje_? Are you okay? " he were worried.

She wake from her own thoughts.

" What? Me? Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just… " she said but stopped. She didn't want him to worry about her. " Nah.. Never minds. I'm fine. "

Hotch knew it wasn't true , but still didn't say anything about it.

" You know that you can tell me if something's on your mind , right? "

JJ smile gratefully. " I know. Thank you. "

In two minutes they drove to JJ's drive way.

They got out of the car and walked towards the house.

" JJ ! " they heard someone calling. It was Emma.

" Emma! Hey . " she hugged her.

" Are you okay? I were so worried. Did he hurt you? " she asked and by him she meant Hotch.

" Wait. What? Do you think that? No, Emma. That's exactly opposite. He saved my life. " JJ said. She didn't believe what she just heard. Her good friend thinks that her boyfriend kidnapped her and hurt her.

" Oh. Sorry. I thought .. " she said awkwardly. " But can I ask something I don't get. Why are you doing with him. I mean , you could get better. " she whispered and she thought that Hotch couldn't hear her. But Emma were wrong. He heard every single word.

But she were right. JJ could get someone better. But he meant that one thing he said to Lucas.

'' And you know what. I don't care if the love is one sided , I just want her to be happy. If she doesn't love me, I hope she would find someone to be happy with. But I will always love her from my whole heart. And I say one thing to you. You can never torture me as bad as I'm doing it to myself. You can never punish me as bad as I'm punishing myself. ''

He meant every word of that. He loved her , no matter what. And he knew that he will never forgive to himself that she got hurt. He shouldn't feel guilty about it, there were nothing he could have done. But he still feels bad about it.

" Emma. Listen to me. There's no such thing as better. I love him. I really do. But if you can't accept it , then don't. But I can't imagine my life without him. I love him from my whole heart. " she said. She were mad at her. She just don't get it. Why does she say it like that. She don't want anyone else. She loves him.

Hotch smiled a little when JJ walked towards him.

Emma looked so confused when JJ left her. She turned around and walked away.

" You hear it? " JJ asked.

Hotch looked down.

" Yeah. Every single word. " he said quietly. " But JJ , you know. She were right. You could get someo.." Hotch said , but JJ kissed him passionately. But he didn't resist it. He kissed her back.

After that soft, warm kiss full of passion Hotch looked at her questioningly.

She shrugged her shoulders. " It was my turn to do that. You've done that so many times to me, it was you turn to be surprised. " she smiled at him a little.

He smiled back.

" Ohh… JJ, I love you. " he whispered to her ear and leaned to give her a short little kiss.

" I love you too. "

" Should we go inside? "

She nodded and reach out to his hand. He grab on it and they walk in together, hand in hand.

**So here it is. Yay! Hope you like it. I try to update as fast as i can, but before that leave a review so I know what do you think about this. Thanks´you ;) **


	33. Welcome Home

Chapter 33. Welcome home

_**"**__**In this home **_  
_**we do sharing , we do laughter**_  
_**We do mistakes , we do real, sometimes we do silly**_  
_**we do our best, we do fun**_  
_**we do grace , we do I'm sorrys**_  
_**we do loud really well**_  
_**We do hugs , we do family **_  
_**We do family.**_  
_**We do LOVE "**_

" Did he say why he wanted us to come here? I mean , it's total mess. You've seen it right? " JJ asked while they were at the elevator.

" No , he didn't. And I know. I were there then, but I promise. I get it all fixed. Don't worry about it. " he answered to her. And he noticed this little relief on her face.

Elevator came to floor 9 and they walked to the hallway. JJ's apartment were number 157 , so it was 3rd door on their left side.

She opened the door, it was so dark in there, and she were little scared to put lights. She didn't want to see that all blood on the floor, all those broken furniture on the floor. She just wanted to forget it , but it always pops back in to her mind.

But, they didn't saw what she expected.

Hotch put the light and JJ gasped , because she saw something what made her really confused but happy. She saw all her friends in there smiling to them.

" Surprise! " Garcia laughed.

Hotch laughed behind JJ , but JJ were still confused. She didn't know what to say. But she had to smile. It was awesome surprise.

" What are you guys doing here? " she asked.

" Well , first of all, we saw how bad shape this was when.. you know. So we wanted to surprise you , and fix everything. We knew that Hotch were willing to do it , but you both should get rest, no encumbrances to you. And I'm meaning both of you. " Morgan said happily.

" And you two deserve it. After all what you've been going through. We just want you two to be happy , and when we fixed this , you have one less worry. " Prentiss came to them and hugged JJ.

JJ had tears in her eyes. She is just so happy to see them. And is just to grateful for those awesome friends she has.

Prentiss came to hug Hotch too. She's never done it before , but she didn't hesitated.

Hotch didn't resist, and hugged her back.

" Emily. Thank you. " Hotch whispered to her ear.

She nodded a little and walked back to others.

" Oh and that's not all. dinner is almost ready. " Rossi said and walked to kitchen.

" Guys, this is too much. " JJ said.

" Yeah, right. JJ , no. You deserve this. Just let us help. And it's been too long that we've had dinner together. " Garcia said happily.

" Thank you. " JJ said.

Garcia were right. It's been too long. And it were always so fun together, she enjoyed their free time together. It means lot to her.

" Beer? " Morgan asked from Hotch.

" Um.. yeah, sure. " Hotch answered.

" Balcony? "

They walked to the balcony. It was beautiful weather. There were no clouds at all and black sky full of stars.

" You want to explain me something. Who is Sav? " he questioned.

Morgan were confused. " What? How do you know about her? " Morgan asked.

" You thought that you could keep a secret from profiler? " Hotch teased. " So, is it serious? "

" Oh , yeah. I almost forgot. But I still don't get it. I've not told anyone about her. How did you know? " Morgan asked again. " And yeah, it's pretty serious. "

Hotch laughed. " I heard you talking on the phone few days back. You said something like, don't worry Sav."

Morgan smiled.

" I thought that you profiled. " He laughed. " But , to more important thing. How about you and JJ? "

" Yeah, go ahead , and change subject. " Hotch said. " And what about us? "

" Where is your relationship going? It's pretty serious right? "

Hotch smiled. " I don't know yet. Just, day to day and we'll see. And yeah, it is. I just want her to know that I'm there for her, no matter what happens. "

" She's going to need you more than ever now , so just be there for her. She loves you. And you don't have to be profiler to see that. She really does. Just don't let her walk away from you. " he gave him this advice.

" I know. And it's not going to be easy. Doctor told us something , and JJ's pretty scared about it. " Hotch said to him.

" Then what did he say? " Morgan were confused.

" They gave her this one medication what may give her hallucinations. They don't know it for sure, and they don't know how bad they would be. " Hotch said and turned to look JJ. She were talking with Emily, Garcia and Reid.

" Oh my god. Why do her have to take those? " Morgan's face went serious.

" She has to. There is no other medication to her, and if she doesn't take those, the pain will go so overwhelming. And I know what you mean. I just want to protect her from everything bad , but I know I can't and I'm blaming myself if something bad happens to her. " Hotch said sadly.

" Hotch , you shouldn't. It's not fair to you. And you're right. You can't protect her from everything, but you can be there for her. Don't leave her alone. Just let her know that you really care for her. " he told to Hotch.

" I know. " He said quietly and leaned to the fence. He lifted the bottle to his lips and just notes shortly and simply : " I'm just so sure , it's not over yet. "

And he didn't even know how right he were.

**I were pretty fast this time. Yay. It's weekend , and that means more time to write. **

**And of course, don't forget to review. That's how I knoe what do you guys think about my story. Thank you ;) **


	34. Special time, together

Chapter 34. Special time, together

_**" **__**Home is where **_  
_**LOVE resides ,MEMORIES are created, **_  
_**FRIENDS always belong and**_  
_**LAUGHTER never ends. "**_

" Diner is ready. " Rossi came to the door.

" Yeah, we'll be right there. " Hotch said quickly.

Rossi nodded and closed the door.

" Hotch. Can I ask you something? " Morgan asked.

" You just did. " Hotch teased.

" Well, can I ask you another question? " Morgan asked again.

"Actually you aske… Yeah , what's up? " Hotch smiled.

" Was it true? " He questioned , but Hotch didn't know what he meant with that.

" Was what true? "

" That thing you told to him. About you and Sean." he explained.

Hotch went serious. He nodded lightly.

" It was. I meant every word. It just feel bad sometimes that Sean don't know it. He thinks that I don't care about him at all. " He said quietly.

" You should talk to him. " Morgan said.

" I know , but I just.. "

" No buts. " He said quickly , opened the door and walked in.

" I know , but it's not that easy. What exactly would I say to him? " Hotch questioned.

Morgan shrugged his shoulders.

" Well, that helped a lot. " Hotch said sarcastically.

" Figure out something. " Morgan laughed.

They sat to the table with others.

" What were you guys talking about? " Prentiss asked when Morgan sat next to Reid and Hotch next to JJ.

" Nah, nothing special. " Hotch said simply.

" So , JJ and Hotch. I have a question to you. I just can't stop thinking about this thing. When I saw you two at the hospital , and you've been through so much. So what is you best memory together? " Garcia asked.

" You should tell them, I can't pick one. " Hotch said to JJ.

" And you think I can? " JJ asked , but after little thinking she picked one.

" Okay, so Hotch surprised me on my birthday… " JJ started.

**** 22.7. 2014 ****

" C'mon, just put your feet on that and pull yourself up. " Hotch told to her. He took her to riding a horse. JJ's never been riding before , so it was total surprise.

" Oh, god. Hotch , I want down. This is too high for me. Please. " JJ said.

" You are ready to be a field agent, but you are too scared to ride a horse? " Hotch laughed.

" Yeah, well, it wouldn't be first time when someone die because falling from here. " JJ were quite tense.

" You start to sound like Reid. " Hotch teased and started moving.

It was beautiful day. Sunshined , and there were no clouds anywhere.

JJ learned how to ride a horse, and she weren't scared of riding anymore.

" Little race? " Hotch asked and incited his horse to gallop and JJ came after him , but she was so much slower that she were behind him.

She saw that Hotch went to one hill , and on top of it there were this huge, old tree.

Hotch jumped down from his horse and went to this one blanket he's brought here earlier today. There were also this picnic basket full of JJ's favorite foods.

When JJ finally got up too, that look in her face were priceless. It were so surprised , confused , but happy.

" Surprise. " He said when JJ came next to him.

She were speechless, she didn't know what so say.

" What? Never seen Birthday cake before? " He teased.

She sat to that blanket too and they had an awesome day and evening. It was full moon , so they didn't want to leave.

" Thank you. " she whispered to his ear when they were lying down on grass.

When they had to leave, they didn't hurry. Every second were special.

" Awww… " Garsia sighed.

" Wait, wait. Are we talking about same guy? We're still talking about Hotch, right. Because I didn't recognize that Hotch for same Hotch that I know." Rossi teased.

" Well, like you know. I'm full of surprises. " Hotch laughed.

" That's been noticed. " JJ said and gave him quick, soft kiss.

They missed this time, this special time with their team. These bar nights, dinners, partys and stuff. And it was exactly what they needed. Something else to think. They had to get that awful memory out of their head, but it wasn't over yet, that for sure.


	35. I'm so alone , again

Chapter 35. I'm so alone , again

_**" **__**The only people worthy to be in you life**_  
_**are the one's that help you through the**_  
_**hard times and laugh with you**_  
_**after the hard times pass."**_

" I think I have to go now. " Reid said. They have great evening, and it was late.

" Yeah. Me too. " they all agreed.

" Guys, thank you, this meant a lot to us. " Hotch thanked them when they were at the door.

" Of course. And Hotch. Just tell us if you two need something. And .. just take care of her. she's gonna need you now more than ever . " Morgan said.

" And , don't worry. You need rest too. No too much stress. " Reid said.

" Yeah, that for sure. " Hotch smiled. He knew that it was impossible to do. Of course he were worried, of course he were stressed. After what happened, anyone would be.

" Hotch, they mean that. " Prentiss emphasize.

" I know. " Hotch ignored it.

" But hey, we have to go now. So see you later. " Rossi said and they left.

Hotch closed the door , and heard this noise what came from kitchen. It sounded like broken plates and glasses.

Hotch ran towards the voice and saw JJ on kitchen. He also saw four broken plates and two broken glasses on the floor.

JJ felt how tears flowed down her cheek.

" You are not here. You're in jail. " JJ slurred.

Lucas laughed. That laugh were so awful that it made chills to her.

" Oh, no Jennifer. This is the best torture I've ever invented. This isn't about you going crazy. Everything else is. " Lucas laughed.

Jennifer went pale. She felt really dizzy.

" What do you mean? " she were afraid to ask it , but she had to.

" I mean that , I poisoned you, so you're hallucinating. You are still in there with me, and Hotch , well, he's dead. Been for days. You're just seeing all this , but none of it's true , but me. " Lucas said to JJ and more tear flowed down on her cheek.

" You're saying that.. " JJ's voice broke.

" Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Hotch is rotting on the room next door.

" How.. How did Aaron .. " JJ started.

" How did he died? " Lucas complete her sentence. " I stabbed him. Few times. "

" When? "

" Few days ago… No wait, what day is it today? " Lucas though a few seconds. " Today it's Friday right? Then I stabbed him six days ago. "

JJ started crying.

" You want to see him? I didn't move him at all, just for you. " Lucas asked and walked to living room and from there to so called bedroom. JJ weren't sure anymore was it her bedroom or rom from that old office building.

She didn't know for sure anything anymore. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing meant anything to her anymore if he were dead. She just couldn't handle that.

When Lucas opened the door , she noticed one thing. It wasn't her bedroom. It was that same room where Lucas tortured them, the same room where they hang on those ropes. The same room where she woke up on Hotch's arms wrapped to his jacket and feeling his heat next to her body, after she almost froze to death.

She save same ropes hang on the roof , same electric machine. But she almost saw this one thing , and everything else disappeared from that room , because it didn't matter to her anymore.

She saw Hotch lying down on bloody floor. He didn't move, and he were too pale. She ran to him and kneel next to him.

He weren't breathing, she didn't find the pulse.

" Hotch! " JJ gasped. " No, don't you dare do this to me. Please. " She cried.

He felt cold.

He were dead.

**Two chapters, in one day! Wow. I hope you're happy. Well, I am. So I write new chapter tomorrow. And don't forget to review, I will appreciate it as always. I'm really grateful for those. **


	36. There's no exit Or is there?

Chapter 36. There's no exit. Or is there?

_**" **__**Maybe I'm scared because**_  
_**you mean more to me **_  
_**than any other person.**_  
_**You are everything I think about,**_  
_**everything I need , **_  
_**everything I want. "**_

" Why did you do this? " JJ cried.

" Now , we have more time together. Oh, I promise, you will love it so much that you will kill yourself. " Lucas laughed, so hard.

JJ sat to the floor , right next to Hotch's cold body. She put her head on his chest and kept crying.

" Oh C'mon! Stop that. He weren't worthy. He didn't deserve you. " Lucas complained.

But he were wrong according JJ. She loved him, and if someone deserves her love than it was Hotch.

Lucas were quiet for few second , but then he got an idea. He wanted to test, how would she answer to same question what he asked earlier from Hotch.

" You though Hotch loved you? Oh dear. You're so misled. He didn't love you. Not at all. He didn't even care about you. " Lucas said to her and he saw how JJ reacted.

She almost believed all what Lucas just said to her , but then she remembered this one thing what were more important to her.

" Why am I with you? So many others? Let them be. There is one little thing what they aren't. They are not you. And you shouldn't be worrying about me. There is like million other guys who are ready to get you. " he teased a little.

" And JJ , you have never let me down. I heard that thing you said there. I heard it. But I were barely conscious so I couldn't answer to you. I heard why you did it, and I'm proud of you. You hear me? I'm proud of you. You did it so you could protect me. "

She cried. She never thought about it like that.

" You're sure? JJ asked like she didn't believe what she just heard.

" I'm as sure as anyone can be. And what do you mean that you're not perfect? You are perfect. Just believe me when I say this. You are perfect and the most beautiful woman I've ever met. " he smiled to her and kissed her quickly.

Those words made her think otherwise.

" You're wrong. " JJ said lightly. She got up from the floor and stand up.

" Excuse me? " He didn't believe what he just heard.

" I said, you're wrong. He loved me. He really did. And you're saying that he didn't care about me? That's bullshit. Oh ,he did. He's ready to go through pain for me, he were ready to die for me. And I would have done exactly the same thing to him. There were no doubts. There never were. " JJ said.

That wasn't exactly the answer what Lucas were looking for.

She turned around and saw something she needed. A gun with silencer. She tried to get it , but Lucas pushed her a little from her back , and she fell to the floor.

She gasped for pain. Something slashed a deep cut to her hand, and I bled badly.

" You though that you could just shoot me? " Lucas laughed.

" I can always try. " she said , reached to the gun and shot, but she didn't saw Lucas anywhere anymore.

" Well, that was close. " She heard his voice behind her. She made a quick turn and shot again. He disappeared again.

" JJ, for gods sake. Calm down! " Lucas shouted to her.

" Shut up!" She shouted.

" That's rude. " Lucas said .

" I told you to shut the fuck up! " JJ shouted louder and shot again. She looked around, but didn't saw Lucas anywhere.

But then she saw someone walking through the door and walked towards her. It was Hotch.

" You're here, still alive. Too bad. I thought I already got rid of you. I really hoped that. " Hotch said. He looked disappointed.

" Hotch. " she gasped. She couldn't breath. " No, don't you say that. Not you. Please. " she cried. " Not to me, not now. "

" Oh , Poor little Princes , I say what ever I want and I've been taught not to lie, and I'm lot lying. I really hoped that you were dead. You were just on my way. " Hotch were irritated.

" But you know, you have that gun in your hand and if you want to point it somewhere , try your face. " Hotch said and walked closer.

" I mean, you know exactly the place where to point. " He put his hand like a gun and put it right under his cheekbone.

" Kaboosh! " He whispered to her ear.

She were considering it , but came to another thoughts.

" You are NOT Hotch. " She whispered.

" You're right about that. " he laughed and she saw how he turned to Lucas.

" You're getting better with this. " Lucas laughed.

" You don't learn how to shut up, don't you. " JJ cried and shot again.

Is this never going to end. If it's not going to end, she will end it by herself. one way or another, she's going to end it. Even if It meant that she had to kill herself. She didn't care about life anymore.


	37. There's no one there

Chapter 37. There's no one there.

_**" **__**Life is about trusting yourself**_  
_**and your feelings.**_  
_**Not being afraid to take chances. **_  
_**It's about losing and finding special **_  
_**people and learning to value all memories**_  
_**you have.**_  
_**Good or Bad.**_  
_**Learning from the mistakes you make and accepting**_  
_**that certain people in your life**_  
_**will change. "**_

" JJ? " Hotch asked quietly.

She looked scared , she can't take this again.

" Oh, look. Another me. "

JJ looked left and saw Hotch also there. She saw Hotch in front of her , but also right next to her.

She raised her hand towards Hotch in front of her. She looked left and saw Lucas again , he winked at her.

" Wow, WOW. Easy! " Hotch shouted.

" Hotch, I though I were with you. And I thought that you… " her voice broke.

" Okay. _Jeyje_. Here I'm now. " Hotch tried to calm her down.

" I don't… I can't .. " she slurs.

She looks back to Lucas and his smile were ominous.

" I can't know it for sure. I just, don't know for sure. " She said. She had no idea what to believe anymore.

" Okay, so we have to start small. " Hotch said quietly. He though how to convince to her that he were real.

" I'm sure that she is pretty close of losing her mind. " Lucas said to Hotch.

" STOP IT! " JJ shouted and shot towards Lucas.

" Wow! JJ! This discussion does not require a weapon discharge!

JJ hesitated , but put the gun down after thinking few seconds.

" Good, that's good. " Hotch started walking a little closer to her.

" Look at me. Hey! Look at me! " Hotch looked at her. He saw how painful it was to her. She were in shock. She were gasping for breath and from her eyes he saw pain. Mental and physical.

" You don't know what's real? " He were concerned.

" No , I don't know. " JJ said and few tear drop flowed down her cheek.

" But you know what. I've been working on BAU that long that I know something about torture. Enough to know that it feels different. Sometimes , it feels same , but you can separate them when you feel physical pain. " Hotch tried.

" How can you know that for sure? You can't know that for sure. " JJ said.

" It's different. The pain is different than this regular, stupid , crappy , this. " Hotch walked little closer to her again. He is concern about her. She's so messed up that he have no idea what she was going to do next. She really didn't know what was real and what were not.

" I mean, how can you know that. You can't know it for sure. You've never felt like this. " She whispered.

" Let me see your hand. C'mon. Please. " Hotch begged. She were right. He's never been through anything like this , but he could do anything to help her.

She raised her hand a little. She didn't know what he meant.

" No , not that gun hand. That other. That hand you cut earlier. " Hotch raised his voice a little when JJ looked to Lucas again. Well he thinks she saw Lucas, because he couldn't see no one there.

" No, JJ. Don't do it. You know that he's not real right! " Lucas said to Jennifer.

JJ went in shock , but Hotch craped her hand.

" Hey, _Jeyje_. This. Is real. Not two weeks ago, not back there. Now! I were with you back there, and I'm not leaving you now. I will never leave you." Hotch looked at her. But he wasn't sure did she believe it.

" Look. " He raised her voice , and pressed the cutting wound. It bled hard , but the didn't care.

She groaned in pain. She raised her gun hand fast , but Hotch were faster. He grabbed the gun so she couldn't shot.

But then she noticed something. Lucas and the whole room shivered for few seconds.

" You can handle that pain. It's nothing for that pain that I can cost to you. " Lucas said , and she could hear anger in his voice.

" This!. Is different! Right? " He asked and kept squeezing her hand. " I'm different. I. Am. Real. He isn't. "

Lucas laughed hard.

" Aaron, Aaron , Aaron. Do you even hear yourself? "

" Right?" Hotch asked louder.

She pull her hand from her hand , but she noticed that Hotch were right.

" I think so, yeah." JJ gasped quietly.

" You're sure about that , pump buddy? "

JJ looked at Lucas and tried that pain difference thing. She pressed that cut hardly.

" _Jeyje_? JJ?" Hotch asked softly.

Lucas shivered again.

" Nah, that doesn't means anything. " Lucas said quickly.

" _Jennifer Caroline Jareau_, It's me. It's really me. Okay? You hear me? We got away, they got us out of there. We are home, we are safe. Believe in that " Hotch said desperately. " Believe in me !"

" _Jeyje_, don't. You know I 'm the only one how can… " Lucas tried to talk to her , but JJ pressed the cut wound that hard, that she weren't sure if she could faint because of that pain at any second. Bu she kept pressing.

And few second later, Lucas and the room disappeared. She looked around , but didn't saw Lucas anywhere.

Everything she saw was Hotch in front of her on her bedroom. In the middle of her blue and white bedroom where moon light came in from the window.

But then, Jennifer's legs betrayed her and she fell down. But were still faster than her , and were there to catch her, before she hit to the floor.

" Hotch.. " she whispered quietly. She felt really weak , but she knew that she were on strong arms , and they won't betray her.

" Shh.. " Hotch kissed her softly. It was so warm, so soft, and JJ didn't want it never end. " I got you. "

" Are you okay? " she whispered.

" I am. Are you? " He smiled. He looked so adorable, she really lover that one little innocent smile on his face.

" I'm now. " She smiled back to him.

" C'mon, let's get you to bed. " He said and put her arms to behind her back and neck and other hand under her knees. He just lifted her like there were nothing else than air, and put her gently to her bed.

He got blanket and put it on top of her and went next to her.

She raised a little , and put her head and another hand to his chest.

" Thank you. " she Whispered.

Hotch smiled tiredly.

" Good night, hon. " he kissed her gently to her forehead. She were already asleep, and she looked so calm. She were safe , and happy. And that was all what matter now.

**So that do you think? Just let me know, I really appreciate it. I try to update as fast as I can. **


	38. Just try to stay strong

Chapter 38. Just try to stay strong

_**" **__**Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength**_  
_**while loving someone deeply gives you courage. "**_

" So! Let the game begin! '' She heard this voice from somewhere far.

" Confess ? Well, it would be easier to you. " That same question , that same horror came over and over again in her mind.

And in some point she noticed that she couldn't breath at all anymore. Every time when she tried to get some air , she felt something else In her lungs. Water.

She were under water. She went in shock. That water was freezing.

" After all you know where to aim. Just blow your brains out , and everything will be better. " she heard Hotch's voice.

" Promise me. " she whispered.

" You're nothing. You've let me down , again. Well, it wasn't surprise anymore. " Hotch laughed.

" I killed him. I stabbed him. Few times. " Lucas whispered to her ear.

" You should just kill yourself. And you know what. None of us would even miss you. " Morgan said.

JJ just went deeper in that cold water. She were feeling so cold, and she felt how her body was giving up.

" You were always the black sheep on our team. You never fit it. I pity you. You're useless you know. " Prentiss said to her with that pitying look on her face.

" Just blow you brains out. And it's all over. Just one second and you don't feel a damn thing anymore. Trust me. it's all over then. Just stop all this. I mean it. We all mean it. " Rossi tried to convince her.

" Do it, do it, do it ! " All her team members cheered.

JJ felt like crying. She couldn't believe that they all said that to her.

" You know, it wont hurt. " Hotch laughed at her.

She couldn't breath still , and she felt how everything were blurring on her eyes.

She heard Lucas's laugh.

" You know where to aim. You know the exact place. " Reid whispered.

" Best place: right under your cheekbone. " Garcia smiled.

" Just press it once, and it's all over. " It was Rossi's turn to talk.

Hotch came close to her , and she hoped that he just kissed her , but instead that he whispered to her ear:

" Kaboom! " Hotch whispered quietly.

" _Jeyje_ ! Wake up! " Hotch shake her a little.

JJ got scared of that and jumped up. It was morning.

" What? It … It was .. just a dream? " JJ didn't understand it. That all felt so real.

" Yeah. And it sounded like a nightmare. You okay? What happened? " Hhotch sat next to her. She were almost shaking, she were terrified.

"Lollipops and candy canes. " JJ said quietly.

" Oh yeah. You were just screaming pretty hard because Lollipops and candy canes. Sorry, My bad. " he said sarcastically , but he really were worried about her still.

She smiled weakly.

She raised her hand a little , but it hurt pretty badly.

" You… you stitched this? " she were surprised. She weren't sure did he know how to do that. It seems like he knows. It's pretty neat.

" You're welcome. " He smiled a little.

" And Hotch. Did I really scream? " JJ asked.

" Yeah, you did. And not just a little. And now, you have to tell me, what was that nightmare about. "

She took a deep breath before beginning.

" Well, I saw you and the team , and Lucas. And I were drowning. The water was freezing , and I couldn't breath. And all I knew was that all you told me to blow my brains out. That I were nothing, and everything would be better if I wouldn't be here anymore. " JJ said and raised her head.

She looked at Hotch and now she felt bad because telling that to him. Now he were sad too.

It weren't just fair. She's throwing all this bullshit on him, and she's not even thought about that he were there too. He thought that she were dead for day. And he got beaten because of that. He thought that it was his fault.

She's never even thought that he might have issues from that.

" I'm sorry. " JJ said quickly and kissed him.

" For what? "

" I've been so selfish. I'm just throwing all this shit on you and never even asked if you were okay. " JJ felt like crying.

" Jennifer, stop that. I'm okay. Seriously. I am. And that's why I'm here. I'm here for you. " Hotch smiled to her.

She nodded lightly and got up.

" I think I need a shower. " JJ said to him.

" Okay. "

She went to the bathroom, but Hotch didn't move. He just sat there.

" I'm okay. " He said to himself, but that weren't quite true. And he knew it.


	39. My Messed Up Mind

Chapter 39. My messed up mind.

" I wanna be that girl he wears his hoodie  
to wear and cuddles up next to when it's cold  
he'll be the one who comes up behind me,  
wraps his arms around my waist,  
catches me off guard  
and whispers : you look beautiful. "

He still sat there when JJ were in shower.

He didn't know what to think. There were so many thought in his mind. And he were tired. It feels like he's never been as tired as he were at the moment. He slept only few hours at night.

Few second later came this huge pain wave flowing through him. He groaned a little but got up. That pain hit so hard on him that he weren't sure if his legs wouldn't betray him. But they didn't.

He waited if that pain would go away, and it did a little. But most of it stayed.

He walked towards the mirror and took his dark blue shirt off and he didn't like what he saw on that mirror.

Bloody bandage on his chest and few cut and bruises on his body, and also those bandages on his both arms.

He put the shirt back on quickly. He didn't want to see those now. Not yet.

He knew that he can't run from that forever , but that wasn't the point.

Those wounds didn't remind him about the torture, it reminded him about why did he took all that beating. He took all that for one woman he truly loves. And he didn't even hesitated, not even once. And he don't regret it. He would do it all again. Just for her.

'' Oh. Now I found it. That is a perfect place. '' He laughed when Hotch started cough blood.

He did it again. But now , Hotch couldn't breath at least in 10 seconds. The pain it got always worst and worst.

'' Confess? '' Lucas asked. Hotch couldn't say anything. His mouth were full of blood. And he spit it all to Lucas' face. For that he got a hard punch to his face.

'' What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you just confess, it'll be so much easier to you. You wouldn't have to suffer this much, I could shot your brains out and you wouldn't even feel it. ''

'' Because I made a promise. '' Hotch said weakly. He's head was bleeding.

'' Yeah? What kind of promise , and to who? '' Lucas said. He were interested truly.

'' To one person who I love more than life. '' Hotch said simply like it was the clearest thing ever.

Those words. That little talk.

That's all what he can think right now.

But he were also little confused. In his mind there were two different things. That thing about that promise and last night, when JJ fell to his arms, and counted on those. She knew that they won't betray her. Never.

She knew that they were always catching her if she needed to fall.

" Hotch.. " she whispered quietly. She felt really weak , but she knew that she were on strong arms , and they won't betray her.

" Shh.. " Hotch kissed her softly. It was so warm, so soft, and JJ didn't want it never end. " I got you. "

" Are you okay? " she whispered.

" I am. Are you? " He smiled. He looked so adorable, she really lover that one little innocent smile on his face.

" I'm now. " She smiled back to him.

" C'mon, let's get you to bed. " He said and put her arms to behind her back and neck and other hand under her knees. He just lifted her like there were nothing else than air, and put her gently to her bed.

He got blanket and put it on top of her and went next to her.

She raised a little , and put her head and another hand to his chest.

" Thank you. " she Whispered.

Hotch smiled tiredly.

" Good night, hon. "

And for that, he knew that he made right decision. He knew that no one could too her away from him. Not anymore.

He were ready to do anything for her. He do all he can to help her to get through all this. And while helping her, he also helped himself.

And they will get through that. No matter what, they will stay strong and they will not let others bring them down.

**So , like always. Review , and let me know what do you think about this. That means a lot to me. **

**And , oh yeah, I just got another inspiration, what means that I'm not ending this fic yet. So don't worry about it. :) **


	40. You know you can talk to me

Chapter 40. You know you can talk to me

_**" **__**I love you because**_  
_**I am who I am because of you. You are **_  
_**every reason, every hope and every dream**_  
_**I've ever had , and no matter what happens to us **_  
_**in the future, every day we are together is the greatest**_  
_**day of my life. **_  
_**I will always be yours. **_  
_**And you will always be mine. "**_

" Hey! Hotch! " JJ shouted to him. He were in his own thoughts that he didn't ever hear her coming.

" Yeah, what? " Hotch answered to her.

" Are you sure that you're okay? " she walked towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and went close to him.

The pain only got worst , but Hotch didn't care about it. He put his hands to JJ's waist.

" I'm sure. " He said quietly. He didn't want her to worry about him, so he didn't tell her about the pain.

" Good. " she whispered and kissed him.

Hotch lifted his left hand and wiped away those wet hair from her face. After that he put it to her neck and jawline.

Only his touch made her heart beat faster. Maybe it will jump out of her chest someday.

" Did I interrupted something? " JJ asked after that kiss. " You were clearly thinking something important. "

Hotch put his hands back to her waist and smiled. She didn't want to let her go.

" It's okay. It was worth it. "

He kissed her again quickly before letting her go.

" Yeah? So, What were you thinking of ? " She asked and walked to her closet.

He didn't know what to answer to her.

" Lollipops and candy canes. " Hotch smiled.

" Aaannd, why I'm not believing that? " she asked.

" You should believe it. That was your excuse too. " He teased.

Everyone says that live in moment, but sometimes , it's impossible.

Some people would say that she's there with you know, you should just be happy for that.

He just don't get it sometimes. After all that, he should be happy. And some part of him is. But it's like, some part of him stayed in there , with Lucas. Like, he's never got out of there. That he still tortured him back there , and it never stops.

But he will be okay, but it will need sometime. And no one would even question that.

Everyone would get issues from everything he's been going through.

JJ looked at him accusingly.

" Yeah, it was my excuse, but we both knew that it wasn't quite true. " She said. " But if you don't want to tell me, fine. But , few words of caution, I'm gonna find out. You know, you can't hide it from profiler. "

Hotch smiled. And she were right, he should tell her. But not yet. He doesn't want to upset her.

" Good luck with trying. " Hotch teased.

He just love to make her happy. He loved her laugh.

" Oh, I will find out. Believe it or not. Like it or not. " JJ smiled.

" Well, you can try. But , hey. Would you like to go for a walk, of coffee or something. I would like to have some fresh air. " Hotch said to her , and she nodded.

She takes her towel off , and put on this beautiful blue shirt and jeans. But before she's put her shirt on , he noticed this bandage on her waist, and bruises on her body.

He felt guilty for those. She got hurt , and he feel like it's all his fault.

He's worked with him few times , and he didn't saw it coming. He couldn't profile him.

" You're ready? " She came to him. " Hey! Hear me? " JJ waved her hand in front if Hotch's eyes.

" What? " Hotch asked absently.

" I asked, are you ready to go. "

" Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. " Hotch smiled to her a little.

But it was useless. She saw right trough it. She wasn't stupid. She were everything but that.

" You know, there's really something on your mind. Please, tell me. I need to know. " She said desperately.

" I'm okay. God damn JJ, please. I really am fine. "

" Yeah, that for sure. " JJ said sarcastically.

Hotch looked at her. She looked really concern.

" You know, you can talk to me. " She said and craped his hand. " I want to hear it. I want to help. After all help you've gave to me. Please. "

" I know I could, but I won't. I just feel sometimes like…" Hotch started but stopped.

" Like.. what? " She were confused.

" Like I don't deserve it. . And , JJ, don't say anything, please. " Hotch pegged.

" Hotch, you shouldn't think that way. " JJ said sadly. It hurt to see him like that. He were hurt, but didn't admit it. He were sad, but he didn't let anyone help him out of that feeling.

JJ went closer to him and hugged him.

He had to smile a little. But didn't resist. He hugged her back.

" I'm so sorry. " Hotch whispered to her ear.

" For what? " She asked and pulled out from the hug.

" For everything. "

" You want to be specific? " She asked.

" It was my fault. "

" What was your fault? "

" You got hurt because I can't do my job properly. You got shot because of that. And I'm sorry. "

" You… You really think that? You think it was your fault? " JJ asks.

" I know it was. " He says quietly.

" You remember that conversation I had with Emma? " She asked , but he had no idea how that had anything to do with anything.

" I think I said something like ' It's right opposite. He saved my life. ' And I meant it. I wouldn't be here without you. You shouldn't say ' I'm sorry.' But I should say ' Thank you. '

Hotch smiled and gave her a quick kiss.

" You should believe me. " She whispered to him.

" I do believe you. " Hotch said.

" Good. " She kissed him again.

" Should we _NOW_ go out? " Hotch laughed.

" Oh, yeah. I almost forgot that. Let's go. " She said and craped his hand and they went out.

**Sorry guys. I've not wrote in whole weekend, but here it is. And I try to update as fast as I can. But you know. School first, right. But review and let me know what you think. Thank you. **


	41. Back to normal life right?

Chapter 41. Back to normal. Right?

**_" _****_She's doing good,_**  
**_she's at home and _**  
**_we're enjoying to getting back_**  
**_to normal life. "_**

It's been two weeks from the time they got home from the hospital, from those hallucinations, and those apologies.

Two weeks after those tears, those smiles after those comforting words.

They were getting better. They were healing. Everything weren't perfect yet. But it was better.

And also, something weird has happened. There were no hallucinations anymore. They disappeared week ago. And any of those hallucinations weren't nothing like that one she saw two weeks ago.

But they were still little concern. She had to take those meds for 1 week. Still.

And it was also Monday now , and it was time to Hotch go back to work. Back to BAU, back to his team, back to his desk full of paper works to do.

He were pretty excited to get back to the BAU , but there were this one part which wanted to stay home, to stay with JJ. Just for this week.

She still have two weeks off from work.

He just wanted to keep her safe. He's worried if the hallucinations were coming back. And how bad it would be this time or even what kind it would be this time.

What would happen if they start again? He's afraid because of one sentence: " Now , we have more time together. Oh, I promise, you will love it so much that you will kill yourself. "

JJ told him about that conversation she had with him earlier, and he's really worried if she would really kill herself because something she sees. And what if they got a case and he has to go to another town with the team, and he's not there for her when she need him most.

He were brushing his teeth on bathroom and while looking to that mirror he sees flashes. They are so fast , so bright , and he can't see what were those. And the burning started on his torso. It felt like those electrical shocks, again.

He felt dizzy. He leaned closer to that sink. He weren't sure if he could stand.

He put his forehead to the table. The headache was so overwhelming.

But then , like 'Puf' , and it was gone. It just, stopped. He doesn't know why. It just stopped.

He got up.

He walked out of the bathroom and saw JJ still sleeping.

He didn't want to wake her up, but some part of him really wanted to.

Next thing he knew was that he were sitting on next to her.

" Morning. " She whispered tiredly. She smiled to him.

" Morning sweetie. " He smiled back. Everyone says that no one can wake up with perfect hair or something like that.

It's been proofed. It's possible. Her hair were perfect. Nicely a little curly on her shoulders.

" What are you thinking? " She asked while Hotch were trying to decide. Should he stay here with her , or go to work.

" I'm fighting with my own thoughts. "

" Oh. Sounds interesting. So, what is so hard to decide?" She smirked and got up.

" It's like fifty-fifty. One part of me wants to go to work, but in other hand , I would like to be here with you."

JJ laughed. " Must be hard decision? But let me make it easy to you. You go to work, or I will shoot you. " She teased.

" I don't know. I should stay here, with you. "

" Hotch, I'm fine. Just, please. Go. I know you want to go. " She said.

He's thinking about it , but is still not sure. But , she's also right. He really wants to go.

" Go. " JJ said quietly.

Hotch looked at her.

" You know , just one phone call, and I will be here. " Hotch said softly.

" My hero. " JJ smiled and leaned closer to him. He kissed her softly for good bye.

He got up and walked towards the door , but stopped. He turned around , and opened his mouth, but she were faster.

" Go. " She said. And he didn't say anything. Just smiled and walked out of the door.

He went downstairs, took his keys. He opened the front door, but before going out, he looked around.

There were no mess, no broken chairs, no broken glass, no blood on the floor. It was all behind them. All he saw was pictures on walls, new sofa and new carpets. New chairs and table.

All were clean and perfect. And they will be too , they just have to try to get to the normal life.

**I'm really sorry guys that I've not wrote in few days. My school is taking so much time, but I try to update as soon as i can. I hope you understand. **

**But like always: review and let me know what do you think about this. I really appreciate it. **


	42. We missed you

Chapter 42. We missed you

" I've learned that family and friends  
are what makes us who we are today  
and without them  
we would never be complete. "

Hotch drove off the drive way and headed to BAU.

He were kind of excited , but also terrified. All those ' What if's ' were floating on his mind.

What if, she's starting to hallucinate , again.

What if , he has to a case, and go to another town, and he's not here for her.

What if , the hallucinate it going to be worst than two weeks ago.

What if, what if , what if….

Before even he noticed, he were parked to BAU's parking lot.

He shuts his car and gets out. All of his team member's cars are already there.

*** Meanwhile at JJ's ***

She were still lying on that bed. She were so tired. She's not slept on 2 days almost at all. The hallucination were started again few days ago, but they weren't as bad as earlier.

And she's not even told Hotch about it. She don't even know why. Every night , she just lie there, and looks how Hotch sleep.

Lucas is keeping her awake. He's screaming, laughing, talking and singing inside her head.

But she's made progress. She can say what is real, thanks to Hotch. She knows that Hotch loves her for real , and that all what matters. She knows that Lucas isn't real. She's out and Lucas is behind the bars.

Only one week , and it's all over. Two weeks and she's back at the BAU.

**** BAU ****

" Hotch! " Garcia ran towards him when he walked in from those glass doors.

Whole team where there around Reid's , Prentiss's desks.

" Hey. " He laughed when Garcia hugged him. They walked to others.

" It's good to see you. How are you feeling? " Rossi asked.

" I'm feeling great. It's good to be back. " He smiled.

" We missed you here. " Prentiss smiled.

" I missed you guys too. So does Jeyje. "

" How is she? Any of those.. " Morgan started, but stopped. No one else knew about those hallucinations than He and Hotch.

" At first , yes. No more. They were pretty bad at first , but then they just stopped. "

" Wha.. What are you guys talking about? " Garcia asked confusedly.

Morgan and Hotch looked at each other. Morgan opened his mouth to tell them , but didn't say anything. Hotch shakes his head slightly at Morgan , and Morgan stopped.

" It's nothing. Everything is going to be okay. " Hotch tried to convince his team , but he weren't sure if they believed. If they did, good. If they didn't, well they didn't argue about it.

" Hotchner! " Cruz shouted in front of Hotch's office. " Got a minute? "

" Sure. " Hotch said and walked to his office. Cruz came after him and shut the door.

" What's going on? " Hotch asked.

" Just checking in. How are you feeling? "

Hotch sat to a corner of his desk.

" I'm actually feeling pretty good. Well, of course. I've felt better , but I'm good. " He smiled lightly.

" That's good to hear. But are you sure that you're ready to come back work? " He asked.

And Hotch were sure. He really needed to get back to work. He needed to get something else to think.

" I'm absolutely ready. I really am. " Hotch said and Cruz nodded lightly.

" Okay, if you are certain. I have a case for your team. You have to go to Colorado. " Cruz cave him a case file. " 5 bodies in one week and last one happened yesterday. Alexandra Littrell, 27. Killed on her home. Witnesses say that they saw a white man walking out of her apartment after shooting. They didn't saw the face , but they saw this scar on his cheek. " Cruz explained.

" Okay. What about those 4 others? " Hotch browsed the case file.

" Michael and Vanessa Novak, Sandy Hill and Anastasia Backer. And all but one were killed on their houses. Two gun shots. One to the head , one to the chest. But Michael Novak is only one who were stabbed to death."

" Okay, so let's go. We have to hurry. " Hotch closed the case file and they walked out of his office.

" So you're absolutely sure that you're ready? " Cruz wanted to be sure about it.

" Absolute. " Hotch said calmly and turned to his team. " Hey , guys. We got a case. Wheels up in 30. " He said.

" Okay, then. Just, take it easy. " Cruz smiled.

" I thought you knew me. " Hotch smirked.

" It's great to have you back. " Cruz said and stretches out his hand towards Hotch. The shake hands and Hotch felt good.

" It's great to be back. "

**_Hey guys. And I know. I'm sorry. But I've been very busy with my school and other stuff , but FINALLY, I got this chapter done and like always. Leave a review , and tell me wha to you think about this. _**

_**And Like always, I try to update as soon as I can. **_


	43. Let's get to work

Chapter 43. Let's get to work

" Work for a cause, not for applause.  
Live life to express, not to impress.  
Don't strive to make your presence noticed  
just make your absence felt. "

" FBI? " One detective walked towards them when they got the Colorado.

" Agent Hotchner. This is Doctor Reid. " Hotch said. " Agents Prentiss and Morgan went to the latest crime scene and SSA Rossi went to the morgue. "

" Austin Green. We're glad you guys are here. We have absolutely nothing with this. We could totally use your help. " He said and lead the way to this one room. There were bulleting boards , maps, and all what they needed.

" Okay, so where do we start? Austin asked.

" Let's start from the beginning. First victims, Michael and Vanessa Novak. They were a couple? " Hotch asked and put two pictures to the bulleting board. Michael and Alexandra. She were beautiful blonde woman. She looked actually a little bit like JJ. Just looking at that picture it made him think about JJ. Well, he's thinking her all the time , but this made it worst.

" Married actually. " Green said.

" What can you tell us about them? " Reid asked and watched Hotch. He looked weird. He weren't himself. Well, some part yeah. But something were still wrong.

" Well, Vanessa were ver Well, Vanessa were very sweet girl. Everyone loved her. And she were gifted architect. She didn't deserve the way Michael treated her. He were alcoholic and he abused her. Classic douchebag. " Austin explained.

" Okay. Then what can you tell us about Anastasia, Sandy and Alexandra? " Hotch asked.

" Alexandra were 35 years old and everyone knew her. She were still single and no close relatives. She were almost every night at night club , surrounded by men. She were also reporter on Vogue.  
And that's Sandy. " He pointed that beautiful black haired woman on bulleting board. " She's like celebrity in this town. She's Model. And Anastasia were actually as famous as Sandy. She that red head. She were a great actress. "

" Do they have anything in common? " Hotch asked.

" Not that we can find. But they all were 35 years old , but Michael were 40. " Austin said. " Women were also very religious. "

" I call Garcia. " Reid said quickly.

" Who's Garcia? "

" Our technical analyst. She can help. " Hotch said.

" Hey , my fine , furry friends. How can I help you? " Garcia said.

" Vanessa, Anastasia , Sandy and Alexandra. Did they have anything in common? Did they knew each other , same church group or something like that? "

Garcia started typing. Page after page. Word after word and she finally found something.

" Well, they had actually a lot in common. Yes, they knew each other. And they went the same church. And they were in same class on high school. " Garcia said.

" Did they have any enemies? " Reid asked.

" No. Nothing like that. Everyone loved them. They donated to charity and they led church groups and everything like that. "

" Okay, Thanks Garcia. Just, keep digging. " Hotch said.

" Yes , sir. " Garcia said happily and hang up.

Morgan, Prentiss and Rossi came to them.

" Learned anything new? " Austin asked.

" Well , we learned that the victims absolutely knew the attacker. " Prentiss said.

" How's that? " Reid questioned.

" There were these note. ' You rejected me, and this is how you are going to pay for it. You begged for it. We could have been happy together. ' And that was in all crime scenes. " Morgan explained.

" And on Vanessa's chest were carved this text ' I tried to save you. ' " Rossi continued. " And the UNSUB were really mad at Michael. He stabbed him 15 times on his body. "

" 15 ? " Austin asked. He weren't expected that high number. Rossi nodded lightly.

" Vanessa were also in bruises. And they were on different healing stage. " Rossi said.

" Yeah. Michael used to beat her. She came to me one day and told me about it. She were pretty scared, but she were too afraid to break up whit him, because she thought that he might kill her. " Austin explained.

" Oh. "

" Okay, so let's get to work. " Hotch said.

" Yeah, sure. But first of all. I'm gonna need some coffee. " Morgan said and went to the hall way, to the coffee machine.

" Could you three do the family interview? I could check these files once again. " Hotch said and Prentiss, reid and Rossi nodded.

" I could come with you. " Austin said and they agreed.

" Hey , Morgan. " Someone said when Morgan were pouring coffee to his cup.

Morgan turned around and saw someone he expected last to see here at the moment.

" My , my. Miss Pensylvania Petite. What are you doing here? I thought you were at home. And you still should be at home. " Morgan were surprised.

" Where's Hotch? I need to talk with him. " She asked.

" About what ? "

" About working on this case with you. " She said. " I really need to talk with him.

" Hey. Listen to me. I don't think that's a good idea. Not yet. But trust me, I'd really love to have you back already, but most of all, I want you to be okay. " Morgan said.

" Derek. I'm fine. For sure. Just , tell me. Where's Hotch? " She demanded.

He sighs. " Stair up , second door left. " He said, and regretted it immediately.

" Thanks. " She said and walked away.

Morgan were now worried. Not just a little concern, but really worried. Something were definitely not right.

Hotch sat on a corner of the table and read the case files and autopsy files again, just for make sure that they forgot nothing.

" Are you busy? "

Hotch turned around and saw this one beautiful woman right behind him with those long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. That same woman he's been missing for the whole day.

" JJ? "


	44. Are you absolutely sure?

Chapter 44. Are you absolutely sure?

_**" **__**Every time she laughs**_  
_**she hopes that he's watching.**_  
_**Not so that he sees she's happy**_  
_**but that maybe, just maybe**_  
_**He'll fell for that smile **_  
_**as hard as she did for his. "**_

JJ smiled weakly.

" _Jeyje_, what are you doing here? " Hotch asked. He were worried. She should've been home.

" That is what I wanted to talk you about. " She said and walked to him.

" Is everything okay? You look exhausted. "

" No, not really. And , well. I feel the same way. " She said quietly and bowed her face towards the floor.

" What's going on? " Hotch asked.

JJ were quiet for a few seconds.

" _Jeyje_? "

" The hallucinations."

" They've start again? " Hotch questioned. She nodded lightly. " When? "

" Four days ago, maybe. I've lost count. And just don't get mad at me, please. " JJ had this desperate look in her eyes.

" Mad at you? I'm not mad at you. I'm worried about you. Why you didn't tell me earlier? You know you can talk to me, right? " Hotch asked softly.

" I know , Hotch. But it's not about that. I know I can talk to you, and I really wanted. Believe me , I really did. But I couldn't. I didn't want to make you worry about me. I thought I could handle that, but I were wrong. " She said.

Hotch went quiet. He took his hand to hers.

" I can't sleep, I can't even eat properly. The hand thing , it doesn't work anymore. I've tried, but it doesn't work. He won't leave me alone. "

" Is he.. here now? " Hotch asked. She nodded. " What is he doing? "

" He's watching those photos and singing ' Eye of the tiger ' at the same time. It's very annoying." She smiled.

" But that's a good song. "

" Not in fifty times in a row. " She said tiredly. Hotch agreed.

" Hotch, please. Let me work with you guys, this one case. Please. It would meant a lot to me. " JJ said desperately. " I need this. Hotch please. I want to do something useful. I can help you with this. "

Hotch hesitated.

" You always say that you care about me. That you love me. If you really love me, you will let me work with you. " She were desperate. Lucas didn't leave her alone.

" If I were you , I wouldn't go to that road. " He teased. JJ laughed.

" I know. Sorry. But Hotch please. I have to get my head to somewhere else. I need this. " JJ said sadly. She didn't know what to do , if he wouldn't let her work here with them.

Hotch still hesitated. She still has two weeks off from work. She were still hurt.

" Please. " She whispered.

" Is that..? " Reid questioned , but stopped.

" Yep. She is. " Morgan said.

" What is she doing here? Is everything okay? " Prentiss asked and looked at Hotch and JJ talking behind those windows.

" She wants to come back work already. I told her that it's not good idea, but she still wanted to try. "

" Who is she? " Austin asked.

" One of our team members. " Rossi said. " But I thought she still had two weeks off. "

" She still has. " Morgan said quickly.

" Why she shouldn't be here? "

" Hotch and JJ , they were kidnapped. A man named Lucas held them in one old office building for few days, and tortured them. And not just a little. This is first case to Hotch after that. " Prentiss explained.

Austin went quiet.

**Other side of the window*

" So do you know what kind of case this is? " Hotch asked.

" Not exactly. "

Hotch gave her the case file. " Okay, so five bodies in one week. First victims, Vanessa and Michael Novak. Killed to their houses, Vanessa got shot and Michael stabbed… " Hotch started to explain. But then , something else got her attention.

" Do you think this is sharp enough? " Lucas asked from JJ when he took lath from that door. And she did all she could to not pay attentions on him. But it was sharp.

" They were married, but marriage weren't happy… " She heard a words from here and there.

Lucas started to whittle the lath while sitting on corner of the table.

" Other victims , Anastasia Backer, Sandy Hill and Alexandra Littrel. Two gun shots, one to the head one to the chest. " Hotch said and looked at Vanessa's picture. She were smiling on sun. It made him smile too. It reminded him so much from that time he had with JJ at the park on her birthday.

But then JJ turned page on the case file and he got another memory, but it was everything else than a happy memory.

He saw Vanessa on the floor with two gunshot wounds. That reminds him badly about the time back there with Lucas. About how he shot JJ. And how he really thought he lost a woman he truly loves, again.

" You know I've always wanted to do this. " Lucas said and stabbed Hotch behind him. She saw how he started bleed.

She went pale. She knew it wasn't real , but it still felt so real.

" Wow, you're getting better at this. " Lucas laughed.

" _Jeyje_? " Hotch asked. " You okay? "

" What? Yeah, I'm fine. " She said quickly and saw how the bleeding stopped, and there were no wound anymore.

" You're sure? "

" Yes. I'm sure. And I swear the next person who asks if I'm okay, I'm going to start throwing punches. " She said. She is getting sick of it that everyone is asking if she's okay. She knows that they mean good , but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. She's not weak, she will get through this , but she just can't watch how someone is hurting people she loves. And it doesn't matter if it's really happening , or not. It's still awful to see.

" Okay , sorry. " He smiled a little. He lifted his hand up , like surrendering. He knew it was going to make her laugh, and it made her laugh.

" Has anyone ever told you how awesome you are ? " She laughed.

" All the time. " He smirked.

" Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking if you are okay, I'm asking if you are sure that you are ready to come back work already. "

She nodded lightly. " I'm sure. " She said softly.

Hotch sighs. " Okay then. "

And the teams timing were perfect , as usually. They walked right in.

" What's going on? " Rossi asked while walking to them.

Hotch looked at JJ and she nodded lightly.

" She's working with us on this case. " He said and saw those surprised looks on their faces.

" Are you okay ? " Prentiss asked from JJ.

She looked at Hotch.

" No, don't hit me. " he teased while moving farther from her.

The team looked confused. JJ laughed.

" I just told Hotch that I swear the next person who asks if I'm okay, I'm going to start throwing punches. " she smiled. " And yes. I'm okay. I really am. "

" Okay. Let's get to work then. And JJ, It's good to have you back. " Rossi said and saw this bright smile on her face.


	45. I'm coming, no matter what

Chapter 45. I'm coming, no matter what

**_" _****_Your work is going to fill a large part of _**  
**_your life, and the only way _**  
**_to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe _**  
**_is a great work._**  
**_And the only way to do great work is to_**  
**_love what you do. "_**

" Piip piip. " Morgan's phone rang.

" Hey, babygirl. What did you found? " Morgan asked.

" I found many kind of things , and I think I just lost my faith on humanity. I mean, yeah, there are people like you who are sweet and gentle... " Garcia said anxiously.

" Okay, Garcia, I'm gonna put you on speaker , so you stay on subject. " Morgan smiled.

" On subject, yeah sure. "

JJ smiled. It was so good to hear Garcia's voice. She really missed it.

" The girls life is been very rough. "

" Okay? How come? " Hotch asked.

" Well , I did some digging , and found something. Well, they've all been going through a hell. First, Alexandra Littrel, she's life is had a tragedy after tragedy. She lost her parents on a car accident when she were 6 years old, and she went to a foster care. Foster parents weren't nice to her. But it was getting better when she moved out when she turned 17. She had friends, and she were engaged and they had a dog called Bobby." Garcia said.

" Okay, but how is it going to help us? " Austin asked.

" It's helping you a lot, because almost all of them had a same kind of background. And also Sandy and Vanessa were on a same foster care with Alexandra. "

" Why were Sandy and Vanessa there? " Reid questioned.

" Vanessa were there because her parents were alcoholics, couldn't take care of her. Same thing with Sandy. "

" Okay , so women knew each other, they practically known each other forever. They were good friends , but why Michael? It doesn't make any sense. " Blake said and sat down.

" Hotch? I can hear your brain ticking. What are you thinking? " Rossi asked.

" I was just thinking that what if the UNSUB knew that Mikael there abusing Vanessa , and couldn't accept it. What if he has feeling for these women and.. " He explained

" And when they rejected him, he killed them. " JJ complemented his sentence. Hotch smiled lightly and nodded.

" That makes sense. " Rossi said.

" It does? " Austin were confused. Again. " Do you think they knew the killer? "

" Yes. I think they did. "

" What about their classmates and church groups? Did any of them had a criminal record or violent background, or something like that? " Jennifer asked.

" I'm already typing. " Garcia said quickly and for a few seconds already: " Church groups are clear. But there is this one guy what popped to my eyes. His name is Matthew Collins. He were on the same school at the same time with the others. And, Sandy and Anastasia, they had a restraining order. There is also a girl called Casandra Brooks who have a restraining order. " Garcia said quickly but didn't stop typing.

" Why did they had a restraining order on him? " JJ asked.

" For harassment and intimacies. "

" That could explain the fear of rejection. " Blake said.

" Violent background or criminal record? " Hotch asked.

" Criminal record, yes. For rape and attempted murder. He's been also kind of violent back on school. " Garcia said.

" Do you think he did this? " Austin asked from Hotch.

" I do. Let's go. "

" I text you the address. " Garcia said quickly. " Oh, and guys. Be careful. "

" Thanks Garcia. And Jeyj.."

" No, Hotch. I'm coming. No matter what. " She said.

Hotch didn't argue back to her , he knew he weren't going to win this one.

" Don't worry about me. " She smirked.

" You know, I'm always worrying about you. "

And that made her silent. She had no answer to that.

They ran to the car were others were already waiting.

When they got to Matthews house they saw light on the house, but they didn't saw anyone.

" Green ,Morgan, Rossi , JJ back door. Blake and Reid with me. " Hotch said quietly and moved towards the front door.

" Ready? " Morgan whispered to his mic.

" On three. One, two three. " Hotch said and kicked the door open. " FBI! "

They heard some noise from upstairs. They went up and found a beautiful young woman with a long brown hair tide up to a chair , and Matthew holding a gun on her head.


	46. You got this

Chapter 46. You got this

**_" _****_I think the most beautiful people _**  
**_are the ones who went through the toughest _**  
**_situation in life , but still somehow _**  
**_managed to keep a smile on their faces, _**  
**_especially if they have bright personality _**  
**_to go with that smile. "_**

" You don't have to do this. " Blake said calmly to Matthew.

" Go away. You are ruing everything! " Matthew shouted.

" Matt, listen to me. You don't have to do this. I know you want to punish her, but like this. You pull that trigger, she dies immediately. You let her come with us, I promise. I make her suffer. And that for sure. " JJ tried. " Okay? I put my gun down. " She said and walked a step closer to him.

" You come any closer , and I will shoot her. " Matthew hissed.

" Okay, listen to me. Tell me about her. I got that she rejected you , but what else did she do? "

" The rejected me. I loved them. And they were mean to me. They bullied me at school. No one defended me. " He said madly.

" Okay, I get that. But you want her to suffer, right? " She asked and saw his small nod. " Okay, then let her free. I can make her pay. It was all her fault that you got hurt. Leave her to me, and I promise that you get some recognition for your work. Sounds great, doesn't it. " She smiled at him. " Give her to me. "

Matthew hesitated. " Can you promise that? For sure? " She nodded. " Okay then. " He said and gut her ropes.

The woman ran to Blake who took her out to the ambulance quickly.

Hotch walked behind and put Matthews hands behind his back and handcuffed him.

" Wait, you promised that.. You promised that I will get some recognition from my work! " He shouted while Hotch were pulling him out of the room and to outside.

" You okay? " Morgan asked silently.

She nodded. " Yeah. I'm okay. I just so tired of Lucas' voice. It's so dull. " She smiled.

Morgan laughed. They walked out too. It was getting dark already , and it was raining.

" Are you coming? " Morgan asked when he opened the cars door.

" In a minute. I think I have to do one thing first. " She said.

" Okay, just make it quick. I want to get home already. " He smirked. She nodded and walked to the ambulance.

" Hey. " The woman said.

" Hey. You okay? "

" Well, I will be. " She whispered.

" But? " JJ looked at her.

" Did you meant what you said back there? That it was all my fault that, well.. "

" No. Casandra. It wasn't your fault. None of it was. I just said it, so I could get you out of there safely. And listen to me. You couldn't have known that it was going to happen, so you shouldn't blame yourself for that. Okay? I know it's hard. Believe me. I really do. But you will get over it. And I'm sure, you're not alone." JJ smiled lightly to her.

" You talk like you've experience for this. Like you've been going throw something like this too."

" Well , kind of. " She smiled.

" Thank you. " Casandra said.

JJ nodded and walked to the car and the drove away.

**** At the plane ****

" Hey! I'm talking to you. " Hotch kicked her playfully to her leg.

" Oh, sorry. You were saying? " She smiled when she turned to him. She were just looking out the window. It was dark , and all she saw was a thousands of stars. It was so beautiful.

" Nah, nothing. But are you okay? "

" Yeah. I'm fine. " She said.

" But? "

" I'm starting to get sick of this song. " She laughed. So did Hotch.

" Eye of the tiger? Still? " He laughed.

" No, thank god no. Highway to hell, for a change. "

" You did exceptional work today at field. " He smiled lightly to her.

" Thank you. You couldn't have handled that without me. Just admit it. " She teased.

" I know, I admit it , but I still don't like it. " Hotch said. " You should still be at home. "

" I know, I know. But I needed this. Thank you. I just want to feel I'm useful. I've got so much crap to me , because of Lucas, I just wanted to help someone when I can't help myself. "

" You know, that's your problem. You think more everyone else , than yourself. You should learn to be more selfish sometimes. " He said. And JJ didn't even argue with that.

" And , Jeyje. That advice you gave to Casandra, that you shouldn't blame yourself for that what happened back there, because there were nothing you could've done for it. It's not your fault. You should listen to your own advice. "

" I know. I just can't stop thinking about it. " She whispered.

" I know. But you know, you should get some rest. You look exhausted. " He smiled.

She nodded lightly. He were right. She were exhausted. She's not slept for a days, and she didn't even have to try. She just closed her eyes and few minutes later she were asleep already. It was weird. She felt safe, she felt like everything were okay, and nothing could ruin it now.

And she also noticed this one thing what made her feel that way. She felt Hotch's hand on her hand. It was calm, it was warm.

She were asleep but she felt how Hotch put his suit's jacket on her, so she wouldn't feel cold. And he kissed her gently to her forehead.

" Good night. Love you. " He whispered quietly to her ear.

Safest place to sleep, there were no doubts about it. She felt good, no, she felt awesome and she knew that no one could take it away from her now. Nothing could hurt her now. And she were sure of it.

**_" _****_Sometimes being strong is not about being brave and smiling all the time._**  
**_Sometimes it's not about acting like the happiest person in the world._**  
**_Sometimes it's not about holding everything together when everything around you _**  
**_seems to be falling apart._**

**_Sometimes you have to humble yourself , _**  
**_swallow your pride, put the brave face away _**  
**_and break down._**  
**_Hug someone who loves you as much as you love them._**  
**_Have a good cry, wash out your heart._**  
**_If you keep it inside, it'll tear you apart._**  
**_Get angry, get mad , lean on someone, talk it out. _**  
**_Perhaps your eyes need to be washed by our tears once in awhile,_**  
**_so that we can see lice with clearer view again._**  
**_BUT, remember this; don't you ever give up._**  
**_You got this! " _**

**_**_T__**he End**_** _****___**

**_Hey guys, so that's it. I really hope you liked it. Well, I did. I really appreciate all reviews you've wrote. And thank you for every one who read the whole story. And if you liked it , just let me know and I can say one thing for sure. I'm not going to quit writing. You can find more stories from my account. _**

**_But THANK YOU! _**


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